Phat Girl's Dream

A bit on Virgos

2012-01-30T05:49:00.000-08:00

My little sister is a Taurus and when she comes across a Virgo she tends to call on me for the traits of such as I am a Dragon/Virgo. I know there are others who tend to think of astrological signs in order to try and understand who they are dealing with so I thought I'd share with you, what I shared with my sister. The in between stuff was found at Zodiac Signs/Astrology but the bold at the end are my tidbits of information I shared with her, and now with you.

Going to be adding in my personal experience notes so you can get an idea on how true the Virgo sign may be in relation to someone's personal traits. Know too that the Chinese zodiac focuses on the year surrounding the sign so there is more to it than what you see here but without knowing your possible mates birth year, I can't give you the full result you're looking for.

Virgo and Independence:
Virgo is a very independent zodiac sign. They are fully able to put their intelligence to use and get things done for themselves. It is possible however that their narrow mindedness causes their creativity to suffer and they may lead regular routine lives. They may dwell too much on the past and over complicate things and this may limit their ability to move forward and confuse themselves. In conclusion, Virgos are able to be independent but the less evolved types will have difficulty if someone is not there helping them to achieve more and not be so critical of themselves. I can tell you this is very true. I know that I am capable of doing for myself and my kids, but that in doing so my creativity would suffer greatly. Being creative costs money, ya know. I do dwell on the past because it is what made me who I am so it sometimes over complicates my relationships. I am pretty critical of myself but self help books help me get through some of it.

Virgo and Friendship:
People look up to Virgo for friends because they are straight thinkers and solve problems logically. They are truthful, loyal and determined. Some people might find them cold or emotionally detached because they live in their minds, not in their emotions and feelings. It might be hard to pin down how a Virgo friend is feeling because they easily live in denial. A person who is able to read deep into another person will notice when Virgo is not well but if they confront them about it, they would rather retreat then talk about it. It is best to keep your emotional distance from a Virgo friend unless they open up to you first. Virgo might try to analyze and control a friend's life but only with the idea that they will improve their life, not purely for the sake of controlling. Be patient with your Virgo friend and understand that their recommendations are only to make your life better. I always thought this could be a woman thing. Many people with problems will offer up suggestions to someone else on how to better their lives without realizing that it mirrors their own. Apparently Virgos are quite prone to doing this, though their loyalty to friends is sometimes taken advantage of and leaves them with few True friends.

Virgo and Business:
Virgos are very intelligent, they have an excellent memory and a highly analytical mind. This makes them good investigators and researchers. They also have the ability to probe into a person's emotions and they can often see into people and detect what their motives are. This makes them great policemen or interrogators. Virgos are very good at problem solving, this is what they do best. They are confronted with a problem, they will pick apart the pieces and put it together in the proper order. They are rational thinkers and are good at settling other people's disputes and putting them on the right track for reconciliation. Any position that requires the above features, which is a very long list, is perfect for the Virgo. They keep the world in order. I used to like to think that I was a people person in the way that a psychologist might be. I liked to study people and try to figure out why they do things. I feel the need to know the reasoning behind certain behaviors and try to find the how's and why's to people as well as things, or situations. I try to rationalize everything. Right now I'm reading about sociopathy because it's something I don't understand but deal with on a daily basis.

Virgo Temperament:
Before a Virgo plunges into anything, from a problem to a vacation idea, they need to analyze all the facts and know all the details before they plunge in and make a decision. This makes them seem indecisive and slow. Virgo's perception is their reality, more so then other astrology signs. What they believe is what will be, if they have a negative outlook on life, things will present themselves to be negative and they will be very moody and isolated/detached. If they are positive, the same events that occur will be held in a positive light and they will be a pleasant, well adjusted person. A Virgo mind is a very powerful mind and they must have the proper attitude for their life to be happy and successful. Virgo needs to get in touch with their feelings, this is why they usually seem cold or detached. They are very prone of living in denial. They will say they feel okay or everything is alright even when it's not. This is an easy way out, the one thing that Virgo does not like to analyze is their feelings so pretending everything is okay is a good defense mechanism for not having to take a closer look at their feelings. Virgo has an unpredictable and sometimes unstable temperament. I'm a depressive kind and without meds to keep me mellow everything can be seen as a negative. Things are wrong, sure, but that does not mean I want to talk to just anyone about it. Keeping things bottled up is safer than spilling the beans. I'd rather wrap myself up in figuring someone else out than analyzing myself. It would take too long.

Virgo Deep Inside:
They need to be organized in their mind, sometimes all their energy is taken from organizing their mind that they have a difficult time organizing their surroundings. They easily look too deep into an issue and over analyze what they percept. Virgo is ambitious and strives to always know more and have more. This is in their eternal quest to bring order to chaos. Even if order is obtained from an outsiders' point of view, Virgo will not be settled for they have a very active mind that is always thinking and can never be silenced. Virgos want to be of use, they need to be important and essential to everyone in their lives and in everything they do. Virgo's major life lesson is to learn to trust in and have faith in the unknown. They have to understand that things in life happen for a reason that is not always known to them, they do not have to always know everything. They need to learn to calm down and not over-analyze a situation or event. Deep inside, Virgo is very sensitive and they need to be appreciated for all the things they do. When a Virgo is offended or hurt, they may never show it. Explains why my house is a mess, but then again my life is a bit of a mess lately too. I also figured out why, but that's me not Virgos. I would love to know more about many things which is why some of my projects tend to be unfinished. I started your afghan, for example, but was also learning how to knit and got side-tracked. I'm sensitive and would like to be appreciated. A simple thank you or a hug is nice. Sharing that I'm offended is sometimes too much information for someone else to know. Things like being hurt about something can be used against you as a sign of weakness or an escape route for the one being told about it.
Virgo in a Nutshell:
Virgo exists in the mind, everything is inside. To the world, Virgo presents a calm and collected exterior but on the inside, nervous uncontrolled intensity in the mind, trying to figure things out, how to improve everything, analyzing and thinking. Virgo can tire itself out without even moving! Virgo has a constant drive to improve and perfect, this can lead to extreme pickiness and finickiness. They are pure, their motives are honest never malicious and they want to accomplish something. Something, anything! Yes. But the mind in constant motion does not mean we are automatically ADD. The mind is in constant motion, not all over the place like a person with ADD.

Virgo Love, Sex and Relationships
What it's like to date a Virgo Woman:
A Virgo woman is earthly and she may seem cold and detached, but underneath the timid, reserved surface lies the real woman, a strong, passionate woman with a great capacity for strong devoted love. She will play hard to get, she is hard to get for she is worried about exposing her emotional vulnerabilities and getting hurt. She requires patience and you will have to court her and work hard to impress her. Once she is in love, it is for the long term. She will be devoted, loyal and make you very happy and even put a little order in your life. Virgo woman is conservative and old fashioned, a typical woman who is perfect for the man who loves a challenge and likes to take a relationship slow. I am shy and unaware of come ons. I don't recognize when someone shows interest in me unless it's in a rude or vulgar manner then I'm rather grossed out by it. Courted in the old fashioned sense would have me swooning for more attention and practically purring when I get it. I want to be loved and appreciated, but I need to know I'm worth it.
What it's like to date a Virgo Man:
The Virgo man has a cool exterior with a sensitive interior. He has tremendous respect for a woman and will treat her like an equal. He likes woman who stir his emotions because he is reluctant to express his own emotions, which he tries and this often causes conflict not just inside himself, but it spills out into the relationship. This man takes patience and understanding. He will not get extremely close so do not try to enter his psyche and become closely entangled, this will make him feel threatened. He needs a classy woman who is not impulsive or unconventional. He leads a predictable life and a predictable woman will make him feel safe. He is perfect for the down to earth, conventional woman. He won't be romantic and sweep you off your feet, but he will be by your side and be very loyal. This man's sensuality comes out with time. For the woman who wants a stable, solid relationship with a visible, smooth sailing future is perfect for the Virgo man. I've met a few Virgo men and can tell you that for some, it may take time before they get to this point. They will hide their feelings but their sensitivity still shows. They will try to push you away if you try to analyze them so just accept them as they are and love them as they need. Don't try to pick them apart because they can't handle this and doing so will quickly put an end to the relationship. Don't over-dramatize anything with him, just be casual and nonchalant and your world will be heavenly with him.

How To Attract Virgo:
Virgos need intellectual stimulation. Impress them with facts and details. Always try to come to conclusions when having a conversation, they do not like topics that go nowhere, they like conversations to come to a close or consensus, even if you agree to disagree. They are very conventional people so do not do anything spontaneous or force them to make a hasty decision, they take their time and think intensely in their mind. They are not slow, their brain is working evaluating everything. Do not attempt to probe inside their mind because their emotions are pretty much closed off until the relationship is solid, and they will decide when that time will be. Virgos are natural worriers, do not let this get to you. Do not give them cause to worry because this makes them get wound up like a spring. Let Virgo take the lead, they like to be in control of what is happening. Keep the date tasteful and do not be vulgar, they like calm and classy surroundings and people. This pretty much nailed everything I've been saying. I can also give an example for the first couple of sentences. My current husband asked about the book I was reading rather than telling me I have pretty eyes or that he liked a drawing I was working on. He stimulated my mind and it got my attention. It was new to me and I appreciated it. I need to keep that going in order to stay interested though.

Virgo Erogenous Zone:
The stomach area is very sensitive to Virgo. Stroke it, circle their belly button with your finger, give them a light belly massage. This makes them feel warm and will help open them up a little bit. Be gentle, no sudden moves or vicious acts like biting or slapping, this will startle them and cause them to retreat. Or laugh at you. Yeah, there is never really a good time for being vicious unless role-playing is agreed upon. Remember, Virgos like to be courted and fawned over a bit. We like attention but it has to be on our terms. If you go for the belly button, don't dig, it's gross. Commenting on the depth of the belly button is vulgar and will be an automatic turn off. Kiss, lick, stroke, don't bite, slap, or pinch. We are old fashioned to near prudeness. Be grateful there were no petticoats or laced bustiers to go through.

Sex With Virgo:
As time progresses, sex with Virgo becomes more and more sensual. These are not the type of people who will engage in a one night stand, they are too reserved and prudish for that. Expect sex to be direct and straightforward, no fancy moves, places or games. Virgo is not a highly sexed zodiac sign and does not place much importance on it, if anything they consider sex to be gross and dirty. Once a relationship is solid, Virgo is willing to experiment a little bit with techniques and foreplay but like everything else involving a Virgo, it takes time to develop once all the advantages and disadvantages have been thoroughly weighed out. This, I believe would depend greatly on the year they were born as well. I'm solid Virgo in every other sense but I've had my fair share of one night stands and fancy moves. I've experimented positions, partners, and games and there was never enough to satisfy me. I considered it an art form. Bodies in motion like a play or a dance. If you have a suggestion I'm willing to try it out, but only once I'm comfortable with you otherwise the suggestion may be considered too gross and insensitive. It takes a bit of time to find a comfort zone with just anyone so it would depend upon my level of creativity at the time, on what techniques are applied.

I don't know much about the other signs but I have a book I tend to go to for traits when I'm interested in knowing more. What's your sign?
Aquarius - January 21 - February 19
Pisces - February 20- March 20
Aries - March 21 - April 20
Taurus - April 21 - May 21
Gemini - May 22 - June 21
Cancer - June 22 - July 22
Leo - July 23 -August 21
Virgo - August 22 - September 23
Libra - September 24 - October 23
Scorpio - October 24 - November 22
Sagittarius - November 23 - December 22
Capricorn - December 23 - January 20

Antiques

2012-01-23T10:31:00.000-08:00

We all want to be taken seriously. We all want people to think we're legit. Important. The "real deal." I've found that the more we WANT that, the less we ARE that. When I'm not being true to myself, I'm just a bad reproduction. I'm a just-manufactured coffee table -- I look good and I'm functional, but I'm certainly not 18th century New England. And what I do in that moment won't appreciate in value over time.
Worthwhile antiques, much like worthwhile people, exude an aura of truth and don't need to overcompensate. If you've ever met someone who is truly authentic then you know what I'm saying. They answer you with short, unqualified answers. They listen to you without searching for something in your words that will make them feel bigger. And in turn, you respect them without even fully being aware of why you hold them in esteem. What they say to you stays with you forever. That, my friends, is value. -Mark Walberg, Antiques Roadshow host

I'm the just-manufactured coffee table hoping to be appreciated, but I've met three people in my lifetime, out side of family, whom I've felt were the antiques to be admired. I find myself wishing I were as knowledgeable, or as understanding as they are and try though I might, I never seem to reach that quality myself. Sometimes I wonder why I admire them as I do and then they do or say something and it hits me, 'Ahhh, that's what it is'. They have that special aura that draws people to them and they always know just what to say.

The more I want to be genuine and a true friend to others the more I understand that I'm not and never will be. As much experience as I've had, I'll always be the noob because I've had the wrong experiences. As much as I think I know, I still get taken advantage of and I still get my heart broken and so will never share the wisdom these people have. They know the signs that prevent these things.They have found happiness and true purpose and have that driving force. The universe smiles upon them and brings them vast knowledge in the working matters of the human psyche.

Me? I have to think of the happy list I posted in order to get through a day. Taking responsibility for myself without more excuses and letting the bad go, are hard things to do but I'm working my way there. As I've said before, I'm a work in progress. I have a lot to learn. Marriage and friendships are some of the biggest things I'm learning about. My marriage is the longest relationship I've ever been in. From what I've read and heard people say, you have to love yourself before you can truly love another. Turns out, I don't know me. I'm still looking for her.

Maybe that's why Fisher gave me his wedding ring this weekend and offered me a divorce. I've not even suggest he leave for quite some time, beyond encouraging the job in Texas. I've been working on a relationship, not a divorce. I suppose I'm just a ring collector. My second husband gave me his ring and left me notes telling me to take Ado and go. Fisher gave me his ring but instead of telling me to take the kids and leave said he loved me and if I want to stay married, he wants the ring back. For now, I still have the ring.

Abusing the Abuser

2012-01-21T13:45:00.000-08:00

I've heard often of how the abused often becomes an abuser and I never really thought it was something that had to happen, but that it was a choice those people made. I realize now that sometimes, it's a reaction to the action and that our upbringing may have something to do with just how we react.

The list in the previous post has a lot of what I've been through listed in it but the scary part is that I too have done some of the things on that list. I'm an abuser.

I did it with my second husband and I do it with my present husband. I have issues. I know this. I'm working on it. I'm a psychological abuser. After my first husband cheating on me and my best friend putting me out on the streets I have fallen into the cycle of mistrusting those who claim to love me. I swear they all cheat on me now. I've caught a boyfriend cheating on me, in our bed, after a party we had in our apartment. The trauma from all of those dealings is something I carry with me in order to prevent it from happening again. Trouble is, it's not going to prevent it because my pushing them away, threatening to leave them, and swearing they are cheating on me is going to make it happen instead.

My mother does this to my father too. Has their entire marriage because of abuse she endured at the hands of her father and brother. I didn't know this until recently and then when the connection was made it was more of a spotlight shining on me than a light bulb going off. I've been through similar abuse and have reacted in the same manner. The cycle must end. My oldest is seeing my abuse, and recognizes the abuse I get in return as well and is beginning to react to it. I cannot have her grow up bitter and cold like me when it comes to love and relationships. I have a lot to learn.

Change is coming

2012-01-20T05:46:00.000-08:00

In case you haven't noticed, I updated my profile about a month ago to suggest that this blog will include topics on relationships, sexual identity, weight loss, parenting and anything else I am struggling with. These are things that I focus on a lot and know that I am not the only one. Someone needs to have a voice and though mine feels a bit constricted at times because of whom I may offend that may be reading this blog, I feel the need to share my stories.

One of which is based on abuse. Yes, I said it. I've been abused. There are many different kinds of abuse though, if you were unaware. Many people tend to hear 'abuse' and think mainly of physical abuse. The wife beater, and I don't mean the shirt named for it. My first marriage had a bit of this wrapped up in it. It started the very first night we were married. My second marriage had a different form of abuse. Even my current marriage has forms of abuse that I'm working through. Every relationship I've ever had has had at least one form of abuse in common. Sexual abuse.

Like I said before, I want to share my stories with you, but for now, I wish to share with you the types of abuse and some signs of each that I found online. I live in Illinois but I am in the bi-state region near St Louis, Missouri. Being signed into Google my search online offers the closest group which deals with abuse victims,

Four types of abuse Abuse can take on many forms. Some types are more subtle than others and might never be seen or felt by anyone other than the woman experiencing the abuse. The abuser uses a combination of tactics that work to control the victim. The abuse also usually increases in frequency and severity over time.
PHYSICAL ABUSE Physical abuse is easier to recognize and understand than other types of abuse. It can be indicated when the batterer:

Scratches, bites, grabs or spits at a current or former intimate partner.
Shakes, shoves, pushes, restrains or throws her.
Twists, slaps, punches, strangles or burns the victim.
Throws objects at her.
Subjects her to reckless driving.
Locks her in or out of the house.
Refuses to help when she’s sick, injured or pregnant,
or withholds medication or treatment.
Withholds food as punishment.
Abuses her at mealtime, which disrupts eating patterns
and can result in malnutrition.
Abuses her at night, which disrupts sleeping patterns
and can result in sleep deprivation.
Attacks her with weapons or kills her.

SEXUAL VIOLENCE AND ABUSE Sexual violence and abuse can be extraordinarily difficult for victims to talk about because of the ways in which this type of violence often is perpetrated. Sexual violence or abuse can be indicated when the batterer:

Is jealously angry and assumes she will have sex with anyone.
Withholds sex and affection as punishment.
Calls her sexual names.
Pressures her to have sex when she doesn’t want to.
Insists that his partner dress in a more sexual way than she wants.
Coerces sex by manipulation or threats.
Physically forces sex or is sexually violent.
Coerces her into sexual acts that she is uncomfortable with, such as sex with a third party, physically painful sex, sexual activity she finds offensive or verbal degradation during sex.
Inflicts injuries that are sex-specific.
Denies the victim contraception or protection against
sexually transmitted diseases.

PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE It is the abuser’s use of physical and sexual force or threats that gives power to his psychologically abusive acts. Psychological abuse becomes an effective weapon in controlling a victim, because she knows through experience that her abuser will at times back up the threats or taunts with physical assaults. Psychological abuse can be indicated when the batterer:

Breaks promises, doesn’t follow through on agreements
or doesn’t take a fair share of responsibility.
Verbally attacks and humiliates his partner in private or public.
Attacks her vulnerabilities, such as her language abilities,
educational level, skills as a parent, religious and cultural beliefs or physical appearance.
Plays mind games, such as when he denies requests he has made previously or when he undercuts her sense of reality.
Forces her to do degrading things.
Ignores her feelings.
Withholds approval or affection as punishment.
Regularly threatens to leave or tells his partner to leave.
Harasses her about affairs he imagines her to be having.
Stalks her.
Always claims to be right.
Is unfaithful after committing to monogamy.

ECONOMIC ABUSE Economic abuse can be indicated when the batterer:

Controls all the money.
Doesn’t let her work outside the home or sabotages her attempts to work or go to school.
Refuses to work and makes her support the family.
Ruins her credit rating.

THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN VIOLENCE AND OTHER TACTICS OF CONTROL Domestic violence is not an isolated, individual event but rather a pattern of repeated behaviors. Assaults are repeated against the same victim by the same perpetrator. These assaults occur in different forms, including physical, sexual, psychological and economic. While physical assaults might occur infrequently, other parts of the pattern can occur daily. The use of these other tactics is effective because one battering episode builds on past episodes and sets the stage for future episodes. All tactics of the pattern interact and have profound effects on the victims. Examples of commonly used control tactics include:
Isolation
Using the children
Damaging relationships
Attacking property and pets
Stalking partner or ex-partner

Sharing this with you is not my way of claiming I'm a victim of anything. Sharing this is my way of, as it was put in the previous post, "taking the bull by the horns". I'm facing my demons. You just happen to be here watching as I do it.

Reflection

2012-01-18T08:54:00.000-08:00

I found this on another site that was found elsewhere and shared. I think Gail has hit some points we should all reflect on.

10 Wise Choices to Skyrocket Your Happiness

By Gail Brenner

“The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Who doesn’t want to be happy? Just take a look at any moment of your life, any choice you make. Isn’t your intention to be happy?
By happiness, I don’t necessarily mean the pollyanna, silly-smile-on-your-face kind. What I mean is a deep sense of contentment, the capability of being peaceful and at ease no matter what, an inner knowing that things are just fine.
Somehow true happiness eludes us, and here’s why. Even though we long for it more than anything, we make choices that derail us. We choose stressful behaviors, distorted beliefs through which we view the world, and emotional chaos. And in doing so, we interfere with our potential to be happy.
Happiness is absolutely within your reach. In fact, it closer than close – the essence of you. How to discover happiness? Make a study of your thoughts and emotions. See what makes you unhappy, then plant your feet firmly in the land of happiness. Make these ten wise choices, and the deepest happiness imaginable will be revealed.

Take responsibility. Don’t blame others, turn yourself into a victim, or wait for someone to come and save you. If you want to be happy, take the bull by the horns. Be willing to figure out how you stand in the way of your happiness.

Embody enthusiasm. Be willing, open, courageous, and humble. Admit what isn’t working and be available to the possibility of real inner change. Keep your quest alive.

Drop your old baggage. Nothing kills happiness more quickly than old hurts, resentments, and grudges. If you are spending your precious time stuck in a sad story from the past, realize that you are being affected way more than anyone else. Wrap all of that pain in a vast cocoon of love, then move on with clarity and grace.

Become intensely interested in your inner life. The cause of unhappiness is the playing out of conditioned habits that don’t serve you. Find out what they are and use a laser focus to see how they work. With your new-found awareness, make healthy, life-affirming choices.

Question your beliefs. We unknowingly build our lives around distorted beliefs and expectations. Put every thought under the microscope for examination to see if it is actually true. You will undoubtedly find that you are living through a veil of confusion and limitation. Be willing to step away from these familiar and cherished beliefs and see everything with fresh eyes.

Appreciate presence. Happiness is found here, in the eternal now – not in the past or future. Relax. Let all efforting fall away, and receive everything just as it is. Luxuriate in the wonder of your senses as you go about your daily life.

Study your emotions. Life becomes heavy and burdensome when we are ruled by difficult emotions. The medicine for this emotional pain is interest and attention. Stop telling yourself stories that fuel your emotions. Rather, welcome the direct experience of the feelings and the sensations in your body. Let them be without needing to get rid of them. Over time, they will lose their power over you, and you will be at peace. The clouds will lift, revealing the happiness you have been searching for all along.

Live from your heart. Shed every thought, emotion, and habit that no longer serves you. What is left? Love. Let love permeate your conversations, activities, and the way you treat yourself. In any moment, ask, “What would love do?” then do it. Savor the deliciousness of a full and open heart.

Choose freedom over fear. Fear is another happiness-killer. Know when fear is driving your choices, and choose otherwise. Meet fear with love, then have the courage to act on what you really want.

Let happiness pervade your life. Every moment presents the opportunity to be happy. If you doubt me, just take a look at your own experience. When you break it down to its bare essence in the moment, you will realize that a choice is always possible. Nag or be silent, self-criticize or self-love, sustain stress or take a deep breath, perpetuate a habit or unravel it until you just can’t keep it going anymore.
When we are at peace with our own experience, we can’t help but be happy. Nothing is in the way. We see through the fog of faulty beliefs and dramatic stories, leaving us available to consciously choose happiness – now, and now, and now. It’s right here, can you feel it?
Happiness is no longer a mystery. Make these 10 wise choices, and the endless well of happiness will be revealed to you.

Checkup

2012-01-12T15:36:00.000-08:00

Today was my final checkup before being released to return to work. Doc checked my uterus and my scar to see how I'm healing and asked a few questions. Everything looks good and I'm ready to return to work.

No, really. I'm SO ready to go back to work. Three kids and an old man are enough to drive me crazy. I don't care if I get bored doing reports at work, I'm happy to be going back. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the thousand questions from people about the kids. It may sound rude or inconsiderate but it seems as though I could record a response and play it back to everyone because it seems to be the same questions. How's the baby doing? How's he sleeping? How are the girls handling having a baby brother? Is the oldest helping? How old is she again? etc.

It's funny how as parents our lives revolve around our kids. They are about all we can think to talk about when discussing life with anyone but when asked directly we get bored quickly with the subject. Not slap-your-knee-hilarious or anything but still kinda funny.

Months ago I had decided not to breastfeed so that I could return to my anti-depressant pills but waited a while before starting them up again. (I think I actually took my first pill the day before leaving for my parents' house.) I ran out yesterday. According to the bottle I was good for two more refills through May of this year but when I called I was denied. The pharmacy would have to call my doctor to get his okay because I haven't been taking them since February, or so is my guess. I gave them the go ahead and called the doctor's office myself to ensure they knew I wanted to be reinstated on my medication. My doctor won't be in the office until Monday but they'll call. Assuming I won't need an appointment to go back on these pills, I can wait a few more days, right?

I've not been married more than five years but Fisher and I have been together for about eight years. I often ask myself why and I have an arsenal of excuses but recently Fisher and I were watching What Happens in Vegas and I realized that the judge had said it perfectly.

Judge R. D. Whopper: ...Listen, I've been married for twenty five years to the same wonderful, infuriating woman. And granted there are days when I want to light her on fire but I don't, because I love her, and that would be illegal. And you know something, I might be old fashioned but when I said those vows, I meant them.

Fisher agrees.

He's also talking about going to Texas again so I guess that plan is back on. I'm not going to hold my breath this time or get excited about the possibilities because it's such a let down when he doesn't follow through. It's like sex. I get my hopes up that it'll be exciting and before I get too interested it's over and I'm left wondering where the rest of it is. What's the point? Well, this time he's talking of replacing our broke down car with a pick-up truck from a friend and driving down soon. (We go to get the truck tomorrow.) Rather than just doing it, he's still waiting for someone else to do the leg work for him before putting in a notice and checking it out. I don't know that he has any time left to take off of work so I can understand if it's because if he goes and there is no job, he may not have one to come back to. I don't think that would happen though. 1) If he shows enough initiative and the company is desperate enough for hands he'll get the job. 2) The company we currently work for is family oriented and decent enough that if he were to give a notice, he may have a job to come back to. 3) They are constantly bringing in temporary workers so there would be a position for him somewhere. I just hate to see him expecting someone else to help him out only to watch this job slip through his fingers again.

I suppose if it doesn't work out for him I could lose 100 lbs and become a hooker to pay the bills. As Joey says ;oP

Home for the holidays

2012-01-08T16:28:00.000-08:00

Having three kids and my family being the closest, it's where we go for the holidays. To my parents' house which shares a hilltop with my paternal grandmother and my dad's twin sister. As most of us know, mothers are good at guilt trips, but mine is usually based on health or relationships. Some times it's also about my terrible skills as a mother for allowing my family to destroy our home, but it's mostly about my health.

This last trip out, having just had a baby it was back to being about me losing weight in order to "stick around for the kids". On top of it, I stayed a full week and was still there when my dad's sister was rushed to the E.R. (emergency room) for having chest pains. Turned out she had extremely high blood glucose levels. I didn't even realize she was diabetic, though I suppose I should have. Her sugars were well over 600. She also had high blood pressure which was later found by her doctor thanks to a clogged artery. A stint had to be put in but I don't know much more about what's being done to lower the two. My mom called to tell me the latter along with begging me to take better care of myself and eat better, etc, etc.

I know she doesn't realize how much it hurts my feelings when she's constantly on me about my weight, but I do take to heart what she tells me. Like the constant emails I've mentioned before that she sends from WebMD. I got one tonight that talks about a "new" diet and how it can help with all of these different problems you may have with your health. If you can recall, I have high triglycerides being a woman said to have PCOS and it was, of course, on the list.

While browsing through the list of how this diet may possibly be different than the thousands of others I've read about and have had trouble sticking to due to lack of funds I found this tip list I wanted to share. A lot of it has been gone over before, but the one that hasn't been focused on too much is the first one on the list.

Here are some ideas for eating with the DASH plan:
Drink fat-free milk. A glass of fat-free milk has only 80 calories and no fat. It's packed with nutrients that lower blood pressure. Have a "skinny" latte (made with fat-free milk) as a way to add milk to your diet. If you don't drink coffee, try a skinny steamed milk or chai drink.
Make a baked potato bar. Serve baked potatoes with a variety of vegetables, such as broccoli. And use other toppings, such as low-fat shredded cheese, chili, salsa, and refried beans. If you use toppings from a can or jar, be sure to choose low-sodium varieties. Or even better, make them yourself from fresh ingredients. Be creative. You could end up with 4 or 5 servings of vegetables at one meal.
Eat a variety of cut-up vegetables with a low-fat dip such as hummus. Try some new vegetables. Make a stir-fry with lots of different vegetables.
Buy a vegetarian cookbook, and try one recipe each month or each week.
Add garbanzo beans to a salad, use fat-free refried beans, and/or make split pea or black bean soup.
Combine a ready-made pizza crust with low-fat mozzarella cheese and lots of vegetable toppings. Use tomatoes, zucchini, spinach, carrots, cauliflower, and onions.
For breakfast, have whole-grain cereal, fruit, and low-fat or fat-free milk.
Take fruit to work or school as a snack.
Make a dip for fruit from low-fat or nonfat vanilla yogurt and cinnamon.

Good points, of course, but for people with kids and no money, it's hard to get the good stuff. Pasta is always cheaper whether it's raemen or spaghetti in a box or can. I have found that a bag of beans and a package of ham bits can be just as cheap, last just as long if not longer, and can be made into many other dishes after the main pot of beans is done. (Thanks for that Mom and Dad.) I do plan to get back to the book my sister sent me and read more into the menu and how I can make it work.

This has nothing to do with resolutions, by the way, but more to do with feeling good about myself for a change.

Quickie

2011-12-22T16:02:00.000-08:00

Still sore. Very emotional lately. I'm not infected but I am still draining. Nurse suggested to keep an eye on it.

To my gal pal, Haley, I'm sorry I've not sent your package out yet, as I've been attempting to afford Christmas for my kids. I'll get it out as soon as I can.

To my other gal pal, Kacey Kane, I've not gotten yours out either, and I suck, I know. I will make it up to you. Promise.

More later, not in the best of mood for an update at the moment.
Wish you all the best of holidays and will see you again in the New Year.

On another note

2011-12-12T19:51:00.000-08:00

I've not posted any recipes in quite some time and though I'm not vegan, this recipe posted by gal pal, H. Unger, is deserving of a try. My eldest no longer wishes to be vegetarian and loves Tuna Casserole, or as we call it in our house, tuna with macaroni and cheese.

The Raging Vegan: Chuna Noodle Casserole

I do believe I have the majority of these ingredients but I'm doubtful to be standing over the stove long enough to make it any time soon. Instead, I'm adding this to the blog now as a bookmark to try as soon as I'm able to get back in the kitchen.

Thanks H. Unger!

Bleh

2011-12-12T18:07:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling very icky right now. Why? Because I just soaked through one of my surgical pads, through my clothes and made a big ole mess of my stomach. I don't handle wounds well. When my sister's face got tore into by a dog, I nearly blacked out.. or I did. When I had my ingrown toenail dug out and cut off, I did black out. When I had a kidney stone, I blacked out after throwing up a few times. My stomach spins and I either toss my cookies and hit the floor or I simply hit the floor.

Pain and grossness make me feel ill. Sitting on the edge of the couch with my little man in my arms, feeding him a bottle, when I feel a wetness all over the inside of my legs. My goofy eldest thinks I've peed my pants. My youngest thinks mommy has a booboo. Fisher is too busy making dinner to come get the baby from me to help me figure out what the hell is going on, but eventually does. Turns out it's my wound. It had gushed at the hospital enough that I'd pulled the cord for assistance while in the restroom. I had a nurse put some suture tape over the gushing point to help prevent so much drainage. Luckily, I brought the rest of the tape home because I had Fisher attempt to tape this one too. I waited for the doctor to come in Monday morning to tell me whether or not it was normal and he told me that it was. Better in than out, he had said.

Though the doctor had told me at the hospital that some drainage is normal, I'm getting a bit worried about it gushing again. Since it turns out I missed a scheduled check up on Wednesday, I'll be calling the hospital to see about a make-up appointment for this. (Missed the same check-up for Joseph but today he had an appointment with the pediatrician. She says he's "perfect", as though we had any doubt.)

So far the pain hasn't been completely unbearable, I still waddle a bit when I walk at times because of the pain I do have, but otherwise this healing process seems to be going fairly well. I'll keep ya posted on what comes of the yuck we endured tonight when I find out more to share.

Fingers crossed.

Before and After

2011-12-09T01:17:00.000-08:00

The picture on the left was taken in February 2011, one month before conception. The picture on the right was taken December 1, 2011, one day before delivery. I hope to get back to this before image and then start a new before and after. =)

Cesarean done

2011-12-08T23:48:00.000-08:00

There doesn't seem to much on the web as far as what is to be expected during a cesarean section. Nothing about why or how it's done. No tips on what to expect when you get in there and are faced with the possibilities of it being the only way you and your child can survive.

When I started to post, occasionally wasn't the original intention, but regardless... When I started posting about this pregnancy it was because I was overweight and a woman who had previously been diagnosed as poly-cystic ovarian syndrome. I didn't realize that I would end up with gestational diabetes again and giving birth to an eleven pound baby boy.

You read that right. He was 11 lbs 6 oz when he was delivered. That sweet little face, those adorable cheeks, came with a price. His head measured at 15 inches, his chest at 15.5 inches and he was 22 inches long. The doctor can only make a suggestion of cesarean but cannot flat out tell you it's a good idea. When we saw that he'd most likely be more than 9 lbs it was suggested and though I was really not happy with the idea, I opted for the cesarean. (The doctor and I are in agreement that it was a wise decision.) I didn't get much more information about cesarean other than the time it was going to be performed after I said yes.

I got a letter in the mail telling me that we were scheduling the cesarean for Friday, December 2nd, 2011 at 9 AM. Joseph arrived at 9:32 AM. It took them a full 30 minutes from Doc coming to tell me they were ready for me to head down to the operation room to the point that Joseph came into our lives.

They brought me into the room and had Fisher wait outside until I had been prepped. First thing was to get the spinal tap in. The anesthesiologist asked me how tall I was and walked me through what he was doing and how it would affect me. It didn't hurt, but I did feel the pressure and a prick when he inserted the needle. It wasn't painful beyond uncomfortable as it was an unusual feeling. I was laid down and my legs propped up and my arms spread eagle onto trays on either side so that they could continue an IV drip. I don't recall what caused it, but before they put the curtain up I got extremely nauseous and dizzy all at once. I began to breathe deeply through the entire procedure after that in order to keep myself calm and to prevent myself from blacking out. I mentioned the nausea to the anesthesiologist and he put something in my IV that prevented me from throwing up, which was welcome because passing out before we got started was not what I had imagined. Once I was ready and the curtain up they let Fisher come back in. Doc tested my sense of touch by poking around on my abdomen with sharp objects. I didn't feel the sharpness but I could feel the poking, as about mid-chest down I'd grown numb and could only feel pressure.

The first thing I noticed after the poking and numbing was the smell. I suppose with the blood and the extra surgery I'd asked to be performed (tubal ligation) they used a kind of laser welding that opened and sealed the skin at the same time. It smelled of burning flesh and it irritated my nose. Fisher attempted to keep either myself or himself preoccupied by talking to me about computer art programs. I attempted to respond to him when I could through my breathing exercises until he asked me what I wanted to eat as soon as we got out of the hospital. Had I not been nauseated moments before, it may have been alright but it was just bad timing and I had to stop him. Being as I was told what would happen before it would, I was warned that I would feel a great pressure as they began to remove the baby.

The pressure I felt as they removed him was so intense that it became incredibly hard to breathe. It felt as though my insides were being pulled out of me and at the same time my chest compressed like a great weight was forced down upon me. There was a tugging sensation a few times and then it was over. I could breathe again, but before this I heard many 'Oh my god's and 'Wow's on the other side of the curtain and Fisher and I started to panic. Then they brought our little line backer around the curtain to show us how big he was. Everyone in the room agreed that cesarean had been our best option. I was fine until I heard my little boy cry. The emotions opened and I cried a bit at the first squeaks and hollers of my son. Fisher left the room with Joseph as they got him cleaned up and to the nursery for his first feeding. A bit more afterward as they finished their procedures and had me stitched back up.

I was wheeled back to the room I'd been in during the paperwork and waiting in order to make sure the effects of the spinal tap wore off and I was recovering well enough to be taken to the maternity ward. It took another 40 minutes before I could feel my toes and longer still until I was able to wiggle them enough to really feel them. The most irritating part of this stage was how extremely itchy I became. My face became so incredibly itchy that I had to ask for allergy medication to ease the irritation. I asked if it was a regular reaction afterward or if there was something in the spinal tap that I may have been allergic to and was told that it was a regular reaction. This is something I had not read about during research. I rubbed my nose raw and my face turned red as I felt like a crazy person attacking her face during a bad trip. When the itching had finally subsided I was very dry and my skin was flaky. In fact, I'm still a bit dry and flaky and it's been nearly a week.

The first trip to the restroom was without much trouble but apparently the spinal tap hadn't completely wore off. The next trip was painful and I was much slower and had to practically shuffle my feet in order to move. I hadn't even realized I wasn't bending my knees when I 'walked' until the nurse asked if I was or not. As with all deliveries I am bleeding vaginally, but due to having a cesarean I'm virtually wearing another pad on my abdomen to suck up any drainage coming from my stitches. I have to be sure to check and change this pad routinely in order to make sure I do not get an infection. My stomach has turned a multitude of colors from the trauma it's experienced and aches like cramping when I move just right. Sometimes there is even a burning sensation when I turn over on my side and I worry that it's not healing properly. The doctors and nurses didn't seem concerned with anything and after a few days I was sent home.

The first few days home I hung out on the couch and took care not to move around too much, but this also kept me from putting my feet up. I even fell asleep with my feet on the floor the first two nights. This is a bad idea, by the way. My feet swelled so much so that I lost my ankles and my feet became the size of my calves. I was forced to have Fisher take over for a few hours while I laid down and put my feet up above heart level. Seems that blood clots are a huge risk after cesarean and can cause serious problems if the legs are not massaged, elevated or exercised routinely. I wanted to cry when I seen my feet but I've been extremely moody since the operation. It was something I've seen in the elderly when I worked in a retirement center, but not something I thought I'd ever experience personally.

This is not the only thing that's swollen however. My breasts have become so engorged with milk right now that they are like rocks. I've thought about breastfeeding Joey to relieve the pressure, but I know this would be a bad idea because I plan to get back on my anti-depressants as soon as possible. This is why I opted for formula at the hospital and should stick with it. I've massaged my breasts, put warm washcloths on them, even stood under a hot shower for a while to help relieve pressure. This will take some time to relieve, but I'm hopeful that I do not end up with any plugged ducts.

Moving is sometimes painful. Lifting my right leg into a vehicle, sideways onto the couch or bed, even with knee bent, or straight up over an object lying on the floor feels as though my leg is being ripped from the socket around my groin area and inner thigh. My left leg hasn't had similar issues so I do not know what is causing this but it's not a symptom from the cesarean. This started while I was still pregnant and with its intensity I measure the pain to determine when I should be taking my pain medication. I was given two medications to take every 6 hours so I've been alternating them. This seems to be working out fairly well, but there have been a couple of times that moving has become so intense that I cringe and imagine being ripped apart and have taken the other pill before 6 hours is up.

This is all still a learning process for me, but I think we're doing pretty well considering. Right now it's late, my feet should be up, and I should probably be sleeping like the rest of the house. Till next time...

More on Shoulder dystocia

2011-11-29T06:30:00.000-08:00

“If delivery is attempted vaginally, but the fetus becomes ‘stuck’ in the pelvis, both the mother and baby have significant increase in health risks (for mother, bleeding and injury to her vaginal canal and uterus; for the baby, lack of oxygen during delivery),” Dr. F. Sessions Cole, director of newborn medicine at St. Louis Children’s Hospital in Missouri, wrote in an email. “For the baby, after delivery, babies who are very large (greater than approximately 9 pounds) are at increased risk of low blood sugar for several days after birth (persistent low blood sugar can cause injury to the baby’s brain which can have lifelong consequences) and serious birth defects (for example, birth defects of the heart).”
Mothers who deliver such large babies are at greater risk of vaginal tears, and babies are at risk of the shoulders getting stuck during delivery. The condition, called shoulder dystocia, can cause permanent paralysis in the affected hand. Babies are also at higher risk of diabetes, obesity and some types of cancer later in life. Yahoo News on 13 lb baby born in Germany.

I can tell you from experience that all of the above are quite true. Guessing that Joey is over 9 lbs is the reason I'm going for cesarean in the first place. I cannot go through what I did with Ado again. I was in labor for quite some time at home before deciding to make the trip to the hospital. (Ado's father slept till my water broke.) We rushed to the hospital where I had to go through registering again in between breathing and contractions. By the time they got us into a room I was dilated 8 cm and too far gone for an epidural. They gave me medication to help ease the pain through an IV and still had to use a catheter. I was put on oxygen because the baby was in distress and losing oxygen fast. I wasn't monitored as closely during my first pregnancy and we had no idea she was already 9 lbs so I opted for a natural birth. Why would I want them to cut the baby out?

Oxygen wasn't helping the baby much. By ten centimeters dilation I was ready to push. I strained so hard I gave myself hemorrhoids and pinned the baby. The doctor suggested cutting some tissue to help her out, but with the need to push still very strong it was hard going. He then suggested pushing her back in a bit then turning her so that her shoulder would dislodge itself from my pelvic bone. I wanted her out, not back in!!!

By the time she came out, I was so relieved that it took me a moment to realize she wasn't making any sound. She was greyish blue and silent. They said her one minute APGAR was very low. Nurses were rushing around her tiny life-less body rubbing on her and sucking stuff from her nose and mouth. About the time the doctor told me I wasn't done pushing yet, she started to cry. I hadn't thought about the placenta. So while I pushed out the rest of her birthing world, she came to life. They handed her to her father and he brought her toward me to show me her chubby little cheeks. I was without my glasses though and could see nothing more than a blur in a blanket. They took her down to the Infant Care Unit and I got cleaned up and moved into a room. I didn't get to see my baby girl for the first three days of her life because they had her in ICU under and oxygen "tent". Her father got to hold her, rock her and feed her while I sat in my room and attempted to use a breast pump and learn to walk again. (That's what it felt like anyway.)

The fear of having lost my baby already, the tearing and cutting, the getting stuck and being unable to breathe, I can't bear the thought of going through it all again. That initial panic that struck when I realized that once she was out, she wasn't breathing about drained the life out of me as well. It's really quite hard to describe, but I having had a miscarriage before carrying this baby to term, the fear was so overwhelming that I was ready to die right there with her.

I will not risk my son's life, knowing that he's of a size that my body cannot endure pushing out. Had I known with Ado that we were both at risk, I'd have opted for a cesarean then too. Though I am still quite fearful of the surgery that's to come, I'm at peace knowing that I'm doing what's best for my boy's first moments of life.

Countdown to Cesarean

2011-11-27T19:10:00.000-08:00

I've not learned much about what a cesarean consists of so this part is definitely a learning experience for me. Considering the baby's size though we've (the doctor and I) have decided that it's best and have scheduled a cesarean section for one week before due date. According to the doctor this isn't the 6th, as was previously thought but December 9th. Friday, December 2nd at 9 AM I'll be going under the knife and hopefully meeting my little butterball baby.

Pregnancy updates: I can tell you that my indigestion has increased and walking sucks right now. I feel as though my labia is swollen, and the baby's head must be in my lap because the pressure has increased on my pelvic region. There are times that simply lifting a leg to take off a shoe, or shift positions in bed hurts. I'm not to the point of tears or anything, just an unusual and uneasy feeling I'm not used to. I've also had backaches lately that had me wondering if I was also suffering a kidney stone. Turns out it's just another one of those pregnancy symptoms.

I've been pretty depressed lately and it's been raising my blood pressure. I don't know what his excuse is, but my husband has been arguing with me about everything lately. Not at all understanding about what I've been going through. Body, mind, spirit, etc have all been changed for the last nine months and I'm at the point that I'm happy to finally get it all over with, but still not at all prepared to bring the little guy home, let alone the surgery and recovery that's to come. Perhaps it seems miniscule to those who've gone through it before, but I've had two natural births and no serious surgeries in my life. Not even anything dramatic enough to need stitches or staples so yeah, I'm pretty scared right now. Routine for the doctor and nurses perhaps, but I don't have any kind of support coming from the home base. No issues in admitting it. I. Am. Scared.

I had a ton of questions for my doctor at the last appointment but he gave me the impression that I'd be able to talk to someone about everything that was to come. When I mentioned this to the staff, they told me I'd be mailed information. Yesterday I got a one page letter from the doctor's office telling me the time of the surgery and that I'd need blood work done the night before and when to stop eating and drinking. I preregistered at our local hospital, of which is close enough to walk to, but now will have to have everything done at the hospital the doctor's office is located in. Since there are no preregistering appointments available between now and surgery, I have to show up 3 hours early to sign in. Other than what I already know, what I'm able to read up on the subject doesn't differ much. Thanks to Fisher I'll be getting a tubal litigation as well. Yeah, I said thanks to him, because I asked him three years ago to get fixed and instead he's proposed we pop out a few more monsters.

My parents have agreed to help me make some room in this hell hole of a house by taking away the love seat, kitchen table (so that I can use a smaller one), and the three wheel bike I mentioned ages ago which is stored in our shed. Fisher refuses the table to go, but at least I've managed a bit more room in the shed and living room for baby stuff. Since I still don't have a crib or bassinet I planned to use a playpen I picked up from a yard sale a couple of months ago. I plan on putting this where the love seat is now since it's become nothing more than a storage shelf.

Work and Relationship: I'm thinking that Fisher isn't interested in seeking work anywhere else so I'll most likely be taking out a loan to fix the house when Joey gets home. The water heater is still messed up and the central heat blows cool air instead of hot. My hormones have me sweating every now and then, but all I have to do is move to one end or the other of the house to cool off. I found a mobile home supply store in town that I can get parts from to fix the kids' bathtub and shower but it will only do us good if we have the water heater fixed first. (The hot water that we are able to get only seems to reach our bathroom and the kitchen sink.) With our bathroom floor still caving as it is, it's guaranteed to have mold. I'd love to get in there with a sledge hammer and tear the place apart but know I have to be more careful than that. Maybe after my FMLA I'll take some vacation time to fix the house. I can't think of any other way it'll get done. We've been in this house for more than a year now and it doesn't appear to want to fix itself.

Well, I have to work tomorrow so it's time to sign off. I look forward to getting this week over with.

Last Sonogram

2011-11-17T11:12:00.000-08:00

With all of the other folks out on Maternity here at the company, Fisher has asked that I hold off until at least next week to have the baby. Right... like if I were to go into labor I'm going to forcibly hold the baby in till one of the other fathers returns. *eye roll* I still think we have a good possibility of having a Thanksgiving baby, but will possibly find out more today. Today I'm scheduled for a sonogram to see just how big Joey's gotten. I think if he were to come today, not that I'm suggesting it, he'd do just fine.

I'd started writing this blog post Tuesday morning, November 15, 2011 and then had to sign off. Later that day I discovered our little butterball turkey is estimated at about 9 lbs 4 oz with no dilation and three weeks to go. The doctor can't tell me one way or another but highly recommends a cesarean section to prevent shoulder dystocia with this baby. I hate the idea, and hadn't even seriously considered a C section, but I'm thinking if it will help the baby, I'll do it. Doctor suggests inducing no sooner than a week before due day so we have another two weeks before this can happen, unless we go into labor on our own before then.

I've already been pretty depressed lately what with the state of the house, the state of my marriage, our bills, the car breaking down, learning of the cesearean, and the weather. Being a manic depressive I'm ready to get this done and over with so that I may get back on my medications. I don't believe there is one I can take while breast feeding though and as much as I'll miss the closeness to baby with that, I don't know that I'd look forward to spending lunch locked in a tiny room at work pumping away. I may have to think of myself rather than the baby in this case and opt out of breast feeding in order to save what sanity I may have left.

Tuesday morning before my appointment I'd broken down at work and concerned the mail man with my emotional state when he passed through. I was trying so hard to control it, but sometimes you just have to let it out. I wanted to let it all out again later too but there wasn't a time I wasn't with my kids that I could. Even crying into my pillow wasn't really an option as Tot still prefers to sleep with me. *sound of a cork popping and then the squeak of it being put back on* Bottling it all up to let out when I'm in the hospital alone and can release it freely. I'm sure after surgery I will have plenty of time to cry about everything.

I've not even had much time to work on my National Novel project this month and am so far behind now that I don't know if it's possible to catch up and make the deadline this year. Not that you asked for it, but here's a bit of something I wrote for this novel. Please keep in mind it still needs to go through the editing process so be gentle if you're to critique:

TJ ran as fast as she could, straining to see the woods around her in the dim light of night, desperately trying not to run into a tree or loose her balance on uneven ground. Risking a glance behind her, she tried to see just what it was that was chasing her but could see only a black smoke moving back and forth through the trees toward her. There was a hint of legs every now and then, but it was hard to tell what she was seeing. No time to decide what it could be, or what it could want, all she knew is that the danger felt real and she had to run for her life. For a brief moment TJ thought of the dark smoke like cloud she'd seen at home the night her sister had gone missing. She'd seen it more than once then. Once outside with her mother and again inside Charley's room. TJ could barely hear the creature behind her over her own heavy breathing but being afraid to risk another look back, she turned right sharply and nearly losing her balance at the quick change skid through the loose dirt into a tree. Catching herself with her hands she shoved off again and ran harder than before hoping to put more distance between them. She wondered if this could be the same being she'd seen at home or if it was something entirely different.

The sickening laughter of the boogie man filled her ears and her eyes flooded with tears. Then anger took over and she clenched her fists tighter as she ran, gritting her teeth and scowling at the thought of what that thing had done to her family. Planting her feet, TJ came to a screeching halt, one leg outstretched and hands on the ground to prevent her from collapse, she turned to face her fear. The darkness leapt over her head and blew apart through a tree behind her, coming together again on the other side. It stalked slowly toward her. Breathing hard and heavy while fighting back tears TJ turned to face the creature. A sneer curled her lip as she filled with hatred.

"What have you done with my sister?" she asked angrily through clenched teeth as she tried to slow her breathing, gasping between words. "What have you done with her?!" TJ spat the words at the creature, screaming with all she had in her. As she tried to focus on the figure-less thing before her the woods around it began to waver. She felt faint. As the trees began to spin around her TJ thought of her mother and how she'd faced the boogie before... Then TJ collapsed, the world disappearing into complete and utter darkness.

Busy but should be busier

2011-11-04T04:45:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I've not been around. I wasn't intending on disappearing, I've just been busy. Work has had me helping out in another department so I've not been at a computer during the day and with National Novel Writing Month starting up again a few days ago, my computer time at home has been otherwise occupied. I should be moving furniture around and making room for Joey, but I've just not had the energy and I don't like bending over. My belly is the size of a watermelon and I'm afraid I'll either topple over or the uncomfortableness of the bend will cause Joey to have fits. Lame excuses, I'm sure, but I have kids and know they are old enough to help.

Speaking of old enough, Tot turned 3 on October 28th. We weren't able to do much for her, but we got her some toys and took her to the park with a homemade cake on Saturday. She had a good time. Grandma (my mother) showed up with a covered wagon that she rode around in. I think it's one of her favorite gifts. Two other little boys came over and rode around with her. It wasn't the Chuck E. Cheese excitement I'd planned, but with my bank account dry, I wasn't able to do much better. She got balloons thanks to Grandma, and cake thanks to Daddy, toys thanks to Mom, and extra excitement about the day thanks to Sissy.

Two days after Tot's birthday was my 5th year anniversary of being married to Fisher. Yep, we've been together since April of 2003, but we weren't able to get married till 2006. We shared leftover cake from the birthday party and with the change my mom gave me we shared a McDonald nugget meal before he had to rush off to work. I dropped the girls off with a co-worker who had a couple of kids celebrating birthdays so they got to go to another birthday party while Fisher and I attempted some alone time. It wasn't able to be much more than his getting ready for work while shoveling in some nuggets though.

The job Fisher applied for in Texas over looked him when filling the positions for which he'd applied. He did not get the job. According to what he's told me, if he can renew his Class A CDL, he has a job ready for him, but the problem is getting a CDL. The only place around here we've found that will rent him a truck big enough to take the test in, is in Missouri. He would need to have a Missouri address to be able to make that happen. It's also close to $700 for a short time to rent the truck. I'd have to take out a loan to help him get through it, but it would most likely be worth it. The job he's aiming for pays more than $26 an hour.

As far as pregnancy goes, he's still in there cooking. My little butterball has my doctor worried enough that rather than waiting till a week before due date, he's got me going back for the sonogram in two weeks. On November 15th we'll be measuring his little belly and head again. I still think he'll be a Thanksgiving baby, but I've been wrong before.

I've been having contractions but as of yet, haven't been checked to see if I'm softening or dilating yet. That'll be another thing to check on the 15th. Oh! Get this... the hospital that is closest to home and work is not one that my OB practices at. When I preregistered they told me I'd have some random doctor come and deliver the baby and take care of my needs. To me, this defeats the purpose of setting up a birth plan with my doctor. Circumcision, knotting me off, delivering the baby... All of it done by a complete stranger? I'd have to call Fisher to drive me out to Maryville's hospital and register there to have my doctor present. May not be a problem but I'm still hopeful he'll be in Texas by then.

Well, that's a brief update of what's going on in the world of Lui. What have you all been up to?

Sharing

2011-10-19T07:21:00.000-07:00

In the one of the local papers today I found this blog and a short story of how this woman shares her recipes in a similar way to They Draw and Cook. She offers recipes on every piece of mail along with illustrations to spice things up. Whether a friend or an acquaintance she shares what she knows. So I'm sharing with you!

Who doesn't love a good recipe?!

Joey and a recipe

2011-10-18T19:31:00.000-07:00

The picture is of Joey at 33 weeks. The technician called him a chunky monkey when she switched to "4d" and saw his cheeks. I was in for the sonogram because I'm overweight and a gestational diabetic on insulin so the doctor wanted to check Joey's weight. When weighing in myself, turns out I've lost another pound. With Joey currently weighing in at over 6 lbs (estimated, of course) I think he's finding what I've been losing.

I've mentioned before that Ado came in at just over 9 lbs and got stuck. I was gestational with Tot and they monitored us throughout the last 10 weeks and suggested a possible induction. I asked the current doctor if he was considering an induction with Joey due to size and he informed me that a baby coming from a gestational mother develops more slowly so if he were to induce it would be only within a week before due date. I had not been told this before, nor have I read it anywhere else. Hopefully, we won't have this problem and Joey will only gain about one more pound before he arrives naturally.

I also asked about circumcision and he told me the pros and cons I've previously discovered and isn't going to suggest one way or another. There doesn't seem to be a reason to do so other than everyone is doing it, cleanliness, and if he were to decide to have it done later in life knowing it would heal faster at a younger age would be better. So I'm still debating this issue.

How might I be losing weight while the baby remains healthy and gaining? I'm not entirely sure, but the doctor suggests I'm eating better and the insulin is helping a bit. My blood sugar levels have been around 120 with a few 90s and 80s tossed in. I don't think this is all that great, but it's better than 200 something. In order to help make this better, I asked blogger pal QueenofNuffink for recipe suggestions. QN being vegan and salads and such keeping my levels low I thought she'd be the perfect person to ask. She offered a few suggestions and I ran out as soon as I had the money and bought ingredients. One of the recipes I was able to do, but the other I was not due to my acorn squash having nasty spots.

Fisher gobbled it up and, if I remember right, went back for seconds, but the girls didn't like it. Tot kept saying she didn't like it and Ado ate it because she had to but didn't return for more. I suppose it's an acquired taste for kids. It doesn't have to be vegan though. You can toss in chicken, pork, sausage of whatever kind you like, among other things. What is it? Chowder. Specifically, Summer Chowder previously posted by VeganDad. I followed his recipe to the point of adding salt and pepper to taste. I added those but also some freeze dried parsley flakes as well as cumin. I didn't measure it, but just added, stirred, tasted and fell in love. It's oh so good. You should try it. While you're there, check out some of his other recipes. He's got some great looking stuff posted there.

Drama Mama

2011-10-14T08:07:00.000-07:00

I've not been posting again... I know. I'm rather bad at the sharing thing. If no one knew me that reads this blog, it would be chock full of dark secrets and such but as it is I know all of my followers on a personal level and there is only so much I feel I can share.

There has been one big drama stage going on right now that I've not shared for fear of jinxing something. Fisher has been sharing with the world as though it's actually happening so I may as well make a note of it for those of you who may not have heard yet. Fisher has put in for a job in Texas and is expecting to leave before Tot's birthday on the 28th. This will leave me here alone with the girls as well as giving birth to Joey solo. The reason he's going to Texas is that he'll be able to make more money, with plenty of over time.

We're both hoping that it will help us get caught up on debts and we can actually begin to live more comfortably with a decent home for the kids and a spot of land for them to play on. It will take a while to get to that point, granted, but it will add up and help, for sure. I'm not leaving my job though. Not for quite some time anyway. If it pans out in Texas, as we are hoping, the kids and I will move to be with Fisher some time next year. Right now, I'm the only one with insurance on the family and we have a roof over our heads so I see no reason for us all to pack up and go. Rent is going up again this year for the lot we are renting and right now with trying to keep up with hospital bills and school loans, we're barely making it through each paycheck. There is no extra for us to be made in Girl Scouts and a few of my AVON customers wait to pay well after their packages arrive so it falls on my shoulders to take care of their bill.

It's been a tough time lately. It will be even harder soon because with Fisher gone, Tot will need to go to a sitter or daycare, which will cost, and Ado will need someone home with her in the mornings to get her ready for school. This would mean, I'd most likely have to change my hours to be there to get her off to school in the morning, but I wouldn't be there right away in the afternoon when she gets home. I've made her a house key, just in case this happens. Now to find a sitter or daycare at a reasonable price...

Granted, he's not been approved to leave at any given date yet, but he's pretty sure he'll be getting the job so it's up to me to take care of the rest. I need a vacation. ;)

On the side

2011-10-10T07:51:00.000-07:00

Not that I ever have much going on besides the drama that is my life and family, but lately, I've been working on a couple of projects. One is for business cards for a dear old friend to help him with a logo identity, (We're still working on this one.) and the other was for a pal I used to game with.

I've shared his recipes for Blackened Fish and Cape Cod Cranberry Squares here, but how I met the guy was through the game, World of Warcraft. He started a blog for his love of the game and the hunter class and became known as Big Red Kitty. Long story short, BRK was an honored guest on a hunter's podcast, more popularly known as Warcraft Hunter's Union, recently where they joked about the latest tier 13 hunter gear and how horrid it would look. Immediately afterward, he contacted me and asked me to help him make it happen.

So, with BRK's permission, here is the PG-13 idea that sprouted from that podcast on the "new" tier 13 hunter helm. Blizzard's going to love us now.

More insanity

2011-10-04T18:41:00.000-07:00

Last week while at work I had an issue. A non work issue. After lunch I'd gone to the restroom and wiped some blood. Any blood is said to be a bad sign, let alone bright red blood so I called it in. I was pretty sure after the call and another check later that it wasn't vaginal but Fisher wanted me to make sure. Better safe than sorry. Without my boss in and his boss out as well, I waited to go in after work. They hooked me up to machines and did a non stress test. Joey wiggled all over during the whole test so I knew he was okay. I lay there in the peace and quiet for quite some time, listening to his heart beat and felt like a fool. I was wasting time and money being there but it was so nice to have quiet time away from screaming kids. (As I type this they are screaming, yelling and crying during bath time.) They ran another test to make sure it wasn't vaginal and sent me home.

While they were out getting the results I realized that I am paranoid. I was told that as a woman with PCOS and a miscarriage, I'd never carry to term. My first born came out over 9 lbs and got stuck. Shoulder dystocia and she was on oxygen for three days due to the trauma she endured during birth. She wasn't breathing when delivered. Her one minute APGAR test was so low I started to think she was dead. With my second born I ended up on insulin because they were afraid of another large baby. Gestational diabetes, insulin a few times a day and non stress tests every week up until birth. The doctor had basically told me if I didn't go on insulin I'd either kill the baby or the baby would kill me. Fisher was panicked through the entire pregnancy. First afraid to have sex due to hurting the baby then later for fear of anything else hurting her.

This time around, being diagnosed as diabetic again, the strange pains I'm having and then the blood, I'm outright paranoid something will go wrong. If not the pregnancy, afterward. I still fear circumcision but even my father suggests it and he had to do it twice. I just worry. I worry when he doesn't move around enough, or when he doesn't jump at loud noises. I think about if he were to come out deaf, or blind, or autistic. I'll love him just the same, no doubt, but how could I possibly afford to get him the help he would need to feel he belongs?

I about had a heart attack when picking up the insulin yesterday. With insurance but without the syringes, because they forgot to issue those, the total was over $320. The doctor has already suggested coming back in for another sonogram in two weeks to make sure Joey isn't already too large and that they wanna monitor him till birth, same as was done for Tot. All of which seems a bit funny considering the nurse's reaction to my having lost a pound. I imagine 6-8 weeks and we'll find out for sure just how big he is and what we'll be facing with three kids.

While trying not to go spastic on the kids not listening and Fisher's attitude about anything I say or do, I signed Ado up for Girl Scouts. We have a ways to drive to get her in a troop, but I hope it'll be worth it. She needs to feel like she belongs too and with siblings so far apart in age, I'm struggling to find a way to do it. I'd love to get her into classes like Karate or cooking but I just can't afford the fees. AVON hasn't been working out quite like I hoped, but I'm going to try another tactic this weekend. Maybe I can find another way to bring in more money to give these spoiled brats a way to grow and learn respect. If only I could put my degree to use.

Well, that's the update for now. More later. Hope the rest of you are fairing better than we are.

It's official

2011-09-23T04:46:00.000-07:00

The doctor's office called yesterday and with their new policy of 'no news is good news' I knew the answer before she spoke. I have gestational diabetes again. It was a given. All the signs pointed to it going that way. I even started testing myself occasionally to see how my blood sugar was doing. The office suggested I start tracking it, as of this morning.

It's still really early (6:40 AM) but my first test read 146. The machine was acting silly though when I put in the test strip so I tested again. 143. I have two packets of oatmeal and a small banana to tide me over till lunch. No snacks on hand. I had to rush out the door this morning to make it down to the truck stop for a shower. Why? Well, our showers still don't work and after the bath the girls took last night where Tot threw up in it, they didn't drain the water. I didn't want to take the time to wash the tub first, then bathe and get ready for work, make breakfast, grab lunch, etc. It was just too much to do in about an hour and make it to work on time.

I'm feeling hot and sweaty already, not well at all. A bit dizzy even, but I'm gobbling down this oatmeal regardless of the numbers and hope they go down instead of up. I expect Joey to be here in another 9 weeks or so but I imagine it's going to feel like a long 9 weeks with the finger pricks and insulin needles.

Hope you're having a good morning so far!

Image borrowed from Abbott diabetes care where my meter was listed with alternative sites on where blood can be drawn and other questions about diabetes.

Hypochondriac's and their doctors

2011-09-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

I try not to be a hypochondriac because it can get really expensive. My mother told me when I was younger that I was a hypochondriac and it's stuck with me ever since. I try not to go to the doctor or the hospital unless I feel it could be a dire emergency. This could explain why with Ado's pregnancy I labored at home till my water broke and only spent four hours in labor at the hospital and with Tot why I ended up at work in labor only to be sent to the hospital. I took Ado to school that morning, first stopping by the convenience store for a breakfast snack and juice before dropping her off. I had been in labor while dressing, coming through the door at the store, when I got to work it was obvious I was in labor but I still had to train my replacement.

Any how, the point is that I've been having some terrible sharp pains in my lower left abdomen and Friday was so bad that I nearly called the doctor then. I waited it out instead and it died down as I rested over the weekend. Come Monday, I was sore and tired and after about 3 hours of sleep and coaxing from Lincoln I called it in. They set me up with an appointment right away and I took time off of work to head into the doctor's office. No idea what it could be but eager to find out I arrived early at the office and was taken in as soon as I got there. The doctor seen me this time, whereas last time it was a nurse who told me she'd expected I was still having round ligament pain and could use the assistance of a belly band. She'd checked my cervix, as the doctor did this time, told me I was good to go and sent me on my way feeling like a fool. Doctor checked Joey's heartbeat as well and with him pumping good and strong at 160, my cervix still solid, I was sent home with a chuckle and nothing to worry about. As though I'm not on my butt enough already, he told me to take it easy and be sure to drink plenty of fluids. Now I sit and wait for the Bella Band I ordered to come in and pray that it will help get me back on my feet.

If this is only round ligament pain, I imagine this baby could be a big one because it feels like I'm carrying a ton of weight there. Today there is a stretching feeling throughout the, well, what should I call it... the bikini area, rather than just the one side. It's an ache that makes me wanna reach down with both hands and carry myself like a child carrying a bowling ball. (Funny enough, I punched that into Google in hopes of finding the image I was imagining only to find a bunch of images of pregnant women.)

I've stressed my partner and a friend into thinking the worst only to come away feeling a fool. You'd think I've never been pregnant before! Either way I have to return to the scene of my crime tomorrow for the three hour glucose test.

On a completely different note, Ado has become such a klutz with her constant tripping and falling that she managed to break a tooth. I'll be calling the dentist today to see about getting that fixed. Tot has hit her abandonment phase where when each of us leaves for any amount of time she has such a fit that you'd think we were never returning. Also, this past weekend Fisher stayed home and we actually got along. It's in the stars that we should but with my fiery temper I imagine it's hard for him sometimes. He's a monkey and I'm a fire dragon. Go figure. I did make the ratatouille but it turned to mush. Yummy mush, but still not a recipe I care to share until I perfect the veggies tenderness. I'm the only one eating it this time around too as I wouldn't expect anyone else to really attempt it. Maybe I'll just stick to zucchini bread. Ha ha!

Ghost Whisperer knows...

2011-09-15T08:13:00.000-07:00

I rarely get to watch what I want to but to get Tot wound down when I get home and Ado to focus on homework rather than the TV I've been able to put on Ghost Whisperer a couple of days now.

Yesterday's rerun was about a woman who was so jealous of her husband that it killed a man. Seems her anxiety stemmed from her mother's divorce and fear of a loving relationship ending the same way. She pushed her husband in hopes that he'd understand and show her the love she needed to break the habit.

This hits home for me, with the exception of having killed anyone. I've been cheated on and left for another by my first two husbands. Even my best guy friend swore he'd never bail on me yet I ended up back on the streets when he chose marijuana over our friendship.

I've had so many people in my life walk away from me, use me, abuse me, or something equally disturbing but I won't go into it. I'm not the only one in this relationship with these issues. Fisher has them too and they stem from his mother. She haunts him to this day with her hatred and poisoned tongue ringing in his ears.

Not sure what started the downfall of our marriage but I recall the feeling that I was being cheated on again. He started pulling away and my suspicions led to checking his computer history. There were many times I broke down in front of the girls but couldn't tell them why. My past has led me to distrust my partners and I can't seem to break the habit. Feeling cheated on, my way of lashing out is to return the pain. We've somewhat recovered from the pain we both inflicted but it's a downward spiral that is going out of control and neither of us seems to know where the brakes are located.

So while I worry about the 3 hour glucose test coming next week, and try not to stress too much on the rest of my life and when Fisher may speak to me again, Ghost Whisperer seems to be honing in on my faults and airing them as reminders to me. If only I knew what to do with them.

Don't talk to me

2011-09-14T04:54:00.000-07:00

This is the message I've been getting from Fisher lately. I got it again this morning along with rage and attitude. Both kids are up and I'm heading out the door in a minute, as soon as I figure out what I can drop in my bag for a snack throughout the day, so someone needs to be awake. I got grumbled at for it. *shrug* Whatever. I guess we'll spend this anniversary in silence pretending the other doesn't exist. Perhaps we'll end up like the married couple on Ghost Whisperer last night where they claim to hate each other so much that they play disgusting pranks on one another only for them both to end up dead. It's only when they are dead that they realize that they love one another and they were both trying to apologize in life but it ended up horribly misconstrued. In the meantime, I'm not supposed to talk to him. Shame.

I had thought that of all the people in my life, including my parents, that this was the only person who understood me. Someone who like my father handling my mother, could handle me. Seems I was wrong.

Well, up on the pregnancy front it seems the pelvic pain that continues when I walk, stand, move, etc. is common enough to have a name, but uncommon enough that the nurse felt the need to check my cervix. We're still closed so Joey will not be joining us any time soon but she suggested I get a belly band. Being a plus sized gal, those are hard to come by around here. Seems in this area it's practically unheard of for a fat woman to get pregnant. Finding plus size maternity clothes is impossible so I've bought clothes in a 3x and 4x and bras and belly bands for big girls has left me resorting to online sales. Thankfully my little sister sent me a $50 gift card for Amazon on my birthday. I used some of that to order a Bella Band from Amazon. I'm hoping that I got the right size and that it will help relieve some of the pressure I've been feeling. Standing or walking actually hurts so I've avoided doing much of anything around the house. If I get the relief I'm praying for, maybe I can get things done without attitude from Fisher as though I'm expecting him to do it all alone.

Also, I have to give another shout out to my blogger pal, Queen of Nuffink for her generosity. Yesterday I got a huge box filled with boy clothes and a Baby Bullet. Tot took over the box and managed to rip it, so now Ado has it in her room. Tot also tried on some of the clothes. Three of the hats were tried on, a pair of pants she couldn't get past her hips and a shirt with Curious George on it that she couldn't get over her head was worn for a few minutes while she checked out the box. Thank you, Queen. The girls love the box and I love what was in it. I can't wait to use the bullet and it's nice to know I don't have to shop for clothes too often while dragging three kids around. You're a life saver!

Too much

2011-09-12T17:26:00.000-07:00

'Psycho Mom on the rampage' has worn down to any time family all together is 'Mom needs a nap'. I wondered about this the other day and with the Freestyle glucose monitor I have, I tested my sugar level about an hour after breakfast. It was really high. About 204 or so. Today I went in for my glucose test and I'm sure I'll have failed it again. In order to prepare for it, and to help with what I currently have in the bank, I set out to buy a ton of vegetables for a kind of soup that is good for helping sugar levels. It fills me and is good for me. Yeah, the picture up top is a HUGE give away.

Ratatouille is a mix of Mediterranean vegetables which can be baked, stir fried or slow cooked. At least from the recipes I've seen it seems to be a free for all on how you want to make it. Nearly three years ago when I was pregnant with Tot I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Diabetes runs in my family, many of us are overweight, Ado was born at 9 lbs. 1 oz., I just turned 35, and I've had it before so chances are high that I have it again this pregnancy. When I seen the Dietician then they gave me a small recipe book with ideas on what to eat, when, and how much. The recipe that filled me out of that book and worked better than the rest was the ratatouille. I was able to freeze the left-overs and heat to eat when I wanted something quick and easy.

Problem was it wasn't very flavorful and Ado wouldn't eat it. Fisher had one bowl and the rest went to the freezer. He claimed it was good but never went back for more. So, I'm browsing through recipes for it now to see if I can find something I can whip together that's more flavorful and can be frozen again for quick serve meals, if not side dishes.

Considering it calls for eggplant, squash and tomatoes, there is a chance it could get too mushy so wish me luck in making this one just right.

A quick shout out to my pal, Queen of Nuffink with a thank you for thinking of me. I got the birthday card and it made my day. My girls loved it. Tot giggled at the "puppy" and Ado thinks you know me more than I may think. *wink Thank you, my friend.

Heartburn, indigestion and more

2011-09-05T20:30:00.000-07:00

For at least a week, if not more, I've been suffering from feet shoved in ribs and a burning feeling in my throat. I can't drink enough to keep it down and no matter what I eat it returns. It's one of the most uncomfortable feelings and I haven't the money to even buy some TUMS to relieve it. Pathetic, yes, I know.

My mother offered a bit of money for my birthday and I had to ask her to use it for diapers for Tot. She's still not willing to potty train. So my mom came and took Tot home with her for a week. I miss the little turkey butt already. Ado left for a couple of days with her father and came back nearly 7 hours earlier than expected. Fisher, on the other hand, continues to hang with his friends and as long as the kids aren't around... neither is he. I asked that he at least make it back within the same day this time, but as I mentioned in a previous post, I'm lucky to count for much of anything with any one. He and his friend both ignored my request and he was out again till 2:30 AM.

Not having a life of my own, I packed up my yarn and headed to the book store for a bit of a break. I may have managed about an hour away from the house before guilt brought me back. I wandered the aisles looking for self help books on depression, having a boy, girls with needs, potty training, art books, knitting for fat people, and even browsed the New Age aisle. Surprised to have found the last one actually. I wandered past about three aisles of Christianity before noticing the one book shelf tucked away in a corner. Even though it was overwhelmed by all the Christianity, I was happy to see it there. Kind of like the Gay and Lesbian section. It's near non-existent, but it was there.

I suppose in some ways I feel like these shelves of books. I have meaning, I have something to share, yet, I'm so lost amongst all the others in my life that I'm barely noticeable. Not that I'll leave a mark, an impression on anyone in particular but somewhere, to someone, I may be something special. Only ones I can think of this being true for are my kids. I exist solely for them.

I never heard back from AVON. I think I'll end up having to repay the women who ordered from me and calling it quits. I just can't believe that people running this business would simply leave me hanging in this kind of situation without at least attempting to get in touch with me to let me know what's going on. Another waste of time and money. I still think it could have been a good idea... it wasn't much, but it was something. At least I tried.

Back to the drawing board. Maybe with that, I can get somewhere. I just need to try harder. I've had an idea for a very long time that I've been playing with. I may end up using this blog as a testing ground, so to speak for this idea and rather than waste more time thinking on it and trying to practice till I'm good enough... I'll just have to go for it and learn as I go. Grow and learn like kids do.

So... you wanna be my guinea pig?

Mysterious for IF

2011-09-05T16:32:00.000-07:00

Even the Egyptians found cats to be mysterious, magical and beautiful creatures.

Reference used.

Lacking again

2011-09-04T16:23:00.000-07:00

There are reasons I don't update here often. One of those reasons is, in short, I'm a depressed individual and lately I've been struggling with things. Ever see the movie Sixteen Candles? I am Samantha when it comes to birthdays. I turn into Eeyore by the time it's over. I wish having family acknowledge me were enough, but seeing all the birthday wishes to people around me on Facebook, at work, etc. make me feel invisible. I try to see the good things that do happen and focus on them more than others, finding the silver lining and all but truth is, life is hard.

I never expected it to be easy, but some things that happen make me think that I'm a bit like Job in some ways. One battle after another and yet I keep pushing on. I know things could be worse, but I also know they could be better. I could pour out my life here but truth is, I grew up having a pretty decent life. My parents were hard working people and though it wasn't a silver platter life, we were good. It was after I left home that my life fell apart, but even with my sweet childhood I was still depressed.

I can give an example of how my trying to better things even gets screwed up. I signed up to sell AVON. I made two sales, not including my own. The products were supposed to come in yesterday. I was so excited to separate out the products and deliver them... but now, I don't have any idea when they will come, if they ever will. The woman I'm working with, the one who helped hire me, I haven't heard from about finding out anything since this morning. It's been at least six hours since I've heard anything and I feel like a failure again. It just doesn't want to work for me no matter how I try.

Anger and frustration at the way life has been thus far for me, for us, my family, has helped me hide the tears, but now with my girls gone and my husband off playing with his friends, the tears have been near non-stop. I'm watching an animated marathon on television and a lot of it has the tears flowing freely as though I understand personally what the characters are going through. Most likely just another Eeyore episode.

I've suffered with depression my entire life, as I some what pointed out earlier. The emotional roller coaster that comes with being pregnant only heightens it at times and I have no idea what to do with it. I can't take anything for it, and I have no one to talk to about it. With the kids around I usually don't have an outlet either. My bad attitude is rubbing off on my oldest and she's mirroring it. I need to learn to control this better.

I want to draw, or paint. Maybe go for a walk or finish crocheting a pillow or that afghan I started ages ago. At the same time, I'm so blah feeling that I just want to lay down and sleep till tomorrow. So... blogs are supposed to be web logs. Someplace to keep my daily ramblings, or drawings, or crafts, or recipes... it's what I want it to be. Today, it's going to be my best friend. My outlet. My shoulder to lean on when things aren't as perfect as I want them to be.

So thanks Blogger for hearing me when I needed an outlet.

Your Avon Rep

2011-08-29T07:25:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that's right. I now sell Avon as well as work a full time job, and attempt to parent two little ones. I am also crocheting an afghan still... not really, it was set aside for a bit, a green pillow pet unicorn and eventually a pink dog pillow pet, a green turtle pillow pet, and more. I'll post pics of those soon as the head of the unicorn is coming together now and the body is in progress.

With the economy the way it is today, keeping up with hobbies and kids is hard, not to mention all of the bills that pile up. I still need a crib for Joey and the bill collectors calling me at work is driving me batty. What else can one do? Well, Avon, of course!

I set up a site over at http://sarinarenee.avonrepresentative.com/ so that you can browse the latest catalog and see what we have in store right now. For those who aren't local, which I know most of you aren't, if you were to order something from me, the shipping is free with an order over $30 and will ship direct to you from Avon within a couple of days. Anything you are not satisfied with has an exchange/money back guarantee on it so you don't have to worry about if the lipstick you purchase is the right shade for you. Isn't that great! I wish the local stores would do that too. I'm so terrible at picking out the right shade of foundation that I quit wearing make-up altogether! With the make-up being up to 60% off right now, I may have to take advantage of this myself and share pics. Before/After? Who doesn't love those silly images of people who get dolled up from trashy trailer mom to Glam Mama. rofl

In fact, with my birthday next weekend, and getting closer to that hill, why not start a skin and hair care regimen? I've already started with Anew Rejuvenate. Also we have a huge deal coming soon in the skin care category that will blow everyone's mind. It'll be advertised on TV as well as on the site. I can cut you a deal too! How about that? lol If you want to know more, email me and I'll share some secrets with you.

Ado and Rock Lee

2011-08-24T05:41:00.000-07:00

Since we've already spoiled the secrecy by revealing my true name, I'll spill it and give you the true names of my family members.

This picture is meant to be of Miranda, my oldest, and her favorite Naruto character, Rock Lee. (I was given some art programs to be able to do this with.)
Tot is lovingly referred to as Maddy at home, and Fisher is Larry.

Now you know the family members who currently live and breathe our air. Now for the one who lives but doesn't breathe our air, yet. We plan to name him Joseph Logan Douglas (no last name given). He's my Joey.

If you've been to my Facebook page you'll notice I've posted a couple of sonogram images of Joey there.

I've not shared much here and for that I apologize. I'm sure that my situation isn't original or that I'm just over-reacting, as I am sometimes told. Rather than be a drama queen I've avoided discussing it. What I can share though is that I've attempted to get some baby things ready for Joey's arrival. I have a car seat, a swing and a highchair. I contacted a relative who had a boy recently and asked if we could take some of the clothes off her hands. She agreed, but this was about a week before winning a bid on a house and starting her packing process. She has four kids and a military husband so I'm sure she's plenty busy. I did get a call from a cousin I rarely get to see or talk to, who lives in Texas, last night telling me that she's jumped all of her friends and co-workers for baby stuff. We have a stroller/pumpkin seat combo, a baby bath and a ton of clothes on the way... well, possibly. Most likely anyway, as some of the friends may charge a bit for some of the items. Like the stroller, for instance. My cousin tells me it rarely, if at all, got used so the friend may want a bit of the return cost on what was paid for it. Heck yeah, I told her. Not a problem, just let me know because right now I'm shopping Goodwill and second hand shops for the girls' clothes. Then she tells me that my grandmother already said she'd take care of it. Um, okay... thanks?

So, I'm a bit of a charity case, and that's okay with me. We live paycheck to paycheck, like most Americans, thanks to bills, so I can't complain when someone wants to help out. I was raised to put up a fight when someone offers something like this, but right now, I honestly can't afford to. Best I can do is arts and crafts in payment. Lame, I know, but it's all I have to offer. I have supplies so it's not an extra cost to come up with something fantastic to share in gratitude. Recently, I crocheted a bath back scrubber and a loofah for Larry. I ended up being the first to use them and have since decided that a fingered weight yarn would work better than the worsted weight.

Another gal pal in Texas sent me some yarn to make some pillow pals for the kids. I'd chosen a turtle design since the girls claim to like green so much and figured it would go well for Joey too. When Larry and I opened the website to print the patterns from the girls saw the other options and have changed what they want. Miranda wants a unicorn, but in the green that was sent, and Maddy wants a bunny, because it's pink. The bunny is also knit and may take longer as I'm still learning to knit. I found a dog pattern the other day I'm sure she'll adore so I'm going to try to pawn that one off instead since the dog is crochet.

I guess we can say things are going pretty well thanks to family and friends for keeping our spirits high and our butts in decent gear. Oh, like when my dad's twin sister took us downtown Cape Girardeau for second hand shopping for Miranda. If she hadn't helped take us around to a few of the shops down there, we'd not have nearly as much for as little as we got. Thanks Aunt Gerry!

Things aren't all that sunshiny at home, but the kids and I are living life one day at a time and being thankful for what we have rather than complain about what we don't. I'm so lucky to have such understanding girls.*heart*

Queen of Nuffink

2011-08-05T07:12:00.000-07:00

A quick shout out to a blogger buddy.

I got your invite but the link did not work. I'm sorry to hear you're having trouble with your abuser again, but know that I am here if you need someone to talk to. Keep in touch.

Nutella under fire

2011-08-03T11:31:00.000-07:00

I've not tried it myself but Fisher and I have seen the advertisements on television and have thought to try it. Posted by a local mother of two on Facebook, she pointed out an article showing how Nutella is being sued as being likened, in nutrition, to that of a candy bar. As with most products, if you use the product as advertised, there shouldn't be an issue. It would be like eating a bowl of cereal as a complete breakfast but without the skim milk suggested, or the orange juice, fruit and toast and expect good results.

The book I've been reading lately suggests that if you eat breakfast you have a lesser chance to pig out on goodies all day long, even more so if you eat a breakfast full of protein.

Covered in the article on Nutella's lawsuit, they touch on the same subject:

You're lucky if your child eats breakfast at all. In a recent study undertaken by Kellogg's on breakfast habits, 40 percent of mothers interviewed said their kids don't. Other research shows that 37 percent of young adults miss breakfast, too. Folk wisdom holds that it's the most important meal of the day; now science confirms this really could be the case. A 2005 article reviewing more than 30 studies on breakfast consumption by children and adolescents surmised that skipping breakfast was linked to a higher intake of high-fat snacks throughout the day and that eating breakfast could positively benefit cognitive function and academic performance. There's also a consensus that breakfast-eating children have better overall nutrition and lower Body Mass Indices. Convincing parents that breakfast is fundamental isn't the problem; the challenge lies with convincing the kids. This is where Nutella, or rather its hint of cocoa, steps in. There's no incentive like chocolate.

I don't see how anyone could win this battle. Follow directions to a wholesome diet and there is no issue. But I suppose it's to each their own. The battle isn't so much on the nutrition value of the product, I believe, as it is they feel the commercials are falsely advertising as health food. I suppose this would be like sitting down with a bag of "fat free" Twizzlers and eating the whole thing in one sitting and feeling fine with it because it's fat free. Yeah, good luck with that. ...morons.

Status update

2011-08-01T17:18:00.000-07:00

I believe most of the people who are listed on the sidebar as viewers of this blog have already seen my Facebook status update. If you missed it, I offered a hint as to what it is we discovered we are having.

Frogs and snails, and puppy dog tails...

That's right. We're having a boy. I suppose it's time for me to start looking into circumcision and the pros and cons. I don't know many people who've not had this procedure done, but that does not necessarily make it right. Having thought of the process itself I looked up the "Jewish tradition of circumcision" only to discover it started with the Egyptians.

While I weigh the pros and cons, I hope to hear from you all and your stance on this to help me with this decision. Thanks.

Vitamin D deficiency

2011-07-28T04:53:00.000-07:00

Did you know that your body makes vitamin D naturally when exposed to the sun? Who wants to stand out in the heat of the day lately just for some vitamin D though? The heat index today, for example is 111 degrees. It's humid and mucky feeling and the air is harder to breathe. The air quality is at an orange quality and people with asthma and other conditions which cause breathing problems are to be wary of being out in this weather for too long.

Yeah, I knew about the sun thing. I also know it helps cure jaundice. When my babies were said to have jaundice I decided that on nice days I would take them outside for some fresh air and sunshine during breastfeeding. They cleared up in days.

I was reading an article earlier about how psoriasis is linked to heart disease and the believed cause is vitamin D deficiency. As I said in an earlier post, I've been put on vitamin D for the next 12 weeks so when looking into it, I found out more than I bargained for but nothing that told me why they'd prescribe it because of pregnancy. I have scalp psoriasis. I am obese. I also have PCOS. Heart disease and kidney disease runs in my family as does cancer and depression.

Here is what I found during a search today:

Diseases and conditions caused by vitamin D deficiency:

Osteoporosis is commonly caused by a lack of vitamin D, which greatly impairs calcium absorption.
Sufficient vitamin D prevents prostate cancer, breast cancer, ovarian cancer, depression , colon cancer and schizophrenia .
"Rickets" is the name of a bone-wasting disease caused by vitamin D deficiency.
Vitamin D deficiency may exacerbate type 2 diabetes and impair insulin production in the pancreas.
Obesity impairs vitamin D utilization in the body, meaning obese people need twice as much vitamin D.
Vitamin D is used around the world to treat Psoriasis.
Vitamin D deficiency causes schizophrenia.
Seasonal Affective Disorder is caused by a melatonin imbalance initiated by lack of exposure to sunlight.
Chronic vitamin D deficiency is often misdiagnosed as fibromyalgia because its symptoms are so similar: muscle weakness, aches and pains.
Your risk of developing serious diseases like diabetes and cancer is reduced 50% - 80% through simple, sensible exposure to natural sunlight 2-3 times each week.
Infants who receive vitamin D supplementation (2000 units daily) have an 80% reduced risk of developing type 1 diabetes over the next twenty years.

Don't know about you, but getting vitamin D as I am now, probably should've happened long ago regardless of carrying a fetus. I hope to talk the doctors into keeping the prescription going after pregnancy to see if it will indeed help with some of these other issues.

And to think, in order to get along with Fisher I was taking St John's Wort when I should've been looking into Vitamin D.

Kindred spirit

2011-07-25T10:44:00.000-07:00

It's all part of a very uneasy paradox, Curtis says. She's got to accept herself and her body, even as she's desperately trying to change it.

This was the reason of starting Phat Girl's Dream. I hate the body I'm in and know I can do better. I was a younger more active and attractive person just over a decade ago. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. Pregnant or not, I'm fat. It's not something that just goes away. No pill, or surgery, or shake can make this all melt away overnight and turn me back 15 years to the person I once was.

NPR's article One Woman's Struggle to Shed Weight, feels very familiar. I was relatively thin myself up until about age 21 or 22. Then I blew up a little at a time. My heaviest was around 270 lbs and though not my most depressing state of mind, it certainly didn't help. A few people scoff at me and tell me that I'm pregnant and shouldn't be worried about my body right now, but that's one reason I look at it even more now. My health is affecting the child within, so what am I not supposed to look at?

I'm 34, I weigh 254 lbs right now (gained 10 already in pregnancy) and I hate the body I'm in. I'm five months pregnant and can feel the baby wriggling around within me but on the outside... well, people are still just now congratulating us on our pregnancy because no one can even tell I'm carrying. I had a lady in HR tell me a few weeks ago that I'm not even showing yet. Yeah, I just look like I'm getting fatter. Happened that way with the last pregnancy too. A different HR rep questioned me on being pregnant with Tot and it had the same effect. Honestly, looking in the mirror, I have to agree with them. It's a miracle anyone believes we're pregnant with this body.

Another miracle is filling out paperwork for a new doctor and actually checking the box for bulimia. Not that you can tell by looking at me now but I used to work out like a maniac, and throw up everything I ate on purpose. I was told that if I didn't stop, the stomach acids I was spitting up would eat away my esophagus and I'd never be able to sing, talk, or swallow properly again. I did my best to stop, but regardless still lost my singing voice at 18. Now look at me. Pathetic.

For years I wasn't able to go on any rides at Six Flags because I'd either gotten sick earlier that day and didn't want to risk it, or I was pregnant at the time, but last year I was finally able to go and wanted to cry at the way my body fit in the seats and harnesses. We walked for miles that day till our feet hurt with blisters and we had sunburns. We sweat buckets that day and tried to keep replenished with water, but did we lose any weight? Doubtful.

What can you do if you've tried almost everything to "fix" yourself? Just accept it? Get over it? Move on? *shakes head in near defeat* I'm not done yet. I'm not giving up nor giving in. Between the PCOS that claims to have brought me here, and the poor health choices I let myself give into, I'm not going to lose this fight. I won't! And I don't think Kara Curtis will either.

Crazy

2011-07-20T17:54:00.000-07:00

I realize how crazy this will sound, but it just hit me and I felt I had to share. Tot is asleep, Ado is still visiting her father, and Fisher is at work so now, as it's happening is a good time for sharing.

I'm about 20 weeks along, minus a day or two and the wee one is wiggling more often and stronger than before. After I eat, and I mean immediately after I eat is when it gets super wiggly. I realize it can't be getting the food that quickly but perhaps the sounds of the food going into and through my system and my stomach beginning digestion set it off. I honestly don't know but as I sit here watching Ghost Hunters on television and gaze at Tot as she naps, the wiggles made me realize that there is a little person in there making it's presence known. A tiny human, I hope it's human anyway, is in there pushing, kicking, rolling over, and maybe even having a first tantrum. Before I know it this little person will be here laying in my arms, snuggling into my bosom, and spitting up all over my decent work clothes. Eh, you were getting a bit too lusty there, had to throw in some realism for ya.

So the realization that I'm really fixing to have a third child has hit me. It has a heartbeat, it can hear me talk, eat, and snore... so I've been told, but doesn't mean I'm fully admitting that I snore. I did quit smoking for the sake of the wee one but, I don't think too heavily on my other health choices. I do something like eat ice cream when I should be eating, I don't know, green beans and then regret it afterward.

This was an earlier revelation too, a bit more seriously than usual because the OB's office called. They told me that some of my tests came back to reveal my Vitamin D is low and they wanted to call in a prescription for me immediately. I don't know if this was the urine test or blood but something came back and doesn't appear good. I've never been told I had low Vitamin anything before so it was a surprise. I'm just glad it wasn't high sugar or high protein though.

Did you know that in some cultures they start the age of the child at conception? This baby would already be 5 months old. Doesn't seem like it's been that long already but it's becoming more real.

Geez, another baby... whew, I'm not sure I'm ready but I'll just have to be.

Heartbeat

2011-07-19T14:21:00.000-07:00

So Fisher, Tot and I made it to the new doctor yesterday. I had to call the friend who suggested him to me to make sure we were heading the right way, and even called the office to find out they are in the local hospital. It makes me feel a bit bad to choose a different hospital but there is one practically across the street from where we live so it actually makes sense to choose that one.

Any way, the news is we didn't get to an ultrasound but Fisher loves the new OB, they gave us free stuff including a free prescription, and we got to hear a heartbeat. I also learned something a bit new... He offered for us to ask any questions so I asked about fish. I can't remember what is okay and not okay to be eating and he said as long as it's not all the time, a bit here and there, including shellfish, is okay. What blew me away is that I recently started eating bologna sandwiches and he said that it's bad for the baby unless it's nuked. He mentioned something about nitrites, that's what Fisher heard and something else about listeria, which is what I heard.

I recently read about listeria in an article somewhere but can't recall where. So I looked it up again. Here's a snippet of an online article about the dangers of listeria.

Listeria monocytogenes, the bacteria that cause listeriosis, can be found in the intestinal tracts of humans and animals, and in milk, soil, and leaf vegetables. The bacteria can grow slowly at refrigerator temperatures. Listeria monocytogenes can be in ready-to-eat foods such as hot dogs, luncheon meats, cold cuts, fermented or dry sausage, and other deli-style meat and poultry, soft cheeses and unpasteurized milk. Symptoms of listeriosis include fever, chills, headache, backache, an upset stomach, abdominal pain, and diarrhea. Persons who have ingested the bacteria may take up to 3 weeks to become ill. At-risk persons (pregnant women and newborns, older adults, and people with weakened immune systems) may later develop more serious illnesses. Listeria monocytogenes can also cause miscarriages.

Not that I'm going to suggest I have any of the above but after reading it and the nasty upset tummy I had last night which almost caused me to black out, I beg of you not to eat hot dogs or other lunch meats without cooking them first. I've heard of fried bologna sandwiches. I suppose it's something I need to look into so as to prevent anyone else in the family from getting sick.

Otherwise, Baby sounds good and we have a sonogram scheduled for the first. Hope you are well.

Doctor, Doctor, give me the news!

2011-07-11T06:49:00.000-07:00

Next Monday, the 18th will be our first appointment. We will be nearly 20 weeks along by then and could possibly find out the sex of the fetus. (Yeah, I keep wanting to call it a baby till I think of that commercial... I'm not a baby, I'm an infant.) I live in Belleville, IL right across from Memorial Hospital. Well, pretty much.

I called the billing office of my previous OB and they told me that the rules state that if we've gone into collections that they cannot serve me. She suggested I find a new OB. So after all the struggles to come up with the money for a bill I didn't know I had, I've given in and asked for help. I need a new OB. Someone suggested a name, I looked it up, called and made an appointment. Even billing had said as far along as we are we need to be seen right away. So, I made the appointment. It's in Maryville, IL right next to the Maryville Hospital.

As if I didn't already have enough on my mind, now I'm wondering if choosing this OB has set me to drive this far to have this baby. I'll have to ask on Monday when we go in. I'm hoping that we can hear a heartbeat, or see what the baby looks like so far, or possibly even get over the boy or girl guessing game we've been playing. Have I mentioned my fear of having a boy? I doubt you've met this kid's father but I imagine a mini version of him. Holy terror that he's painted his childhood version to have been, I see this kid terrorizing his sisters to no end. I also fear the birth of a boy. Snip snip. As though taking care of the umbilical cord stump isn't scary enough let's toss in another wound to take care of on a tiny breakable body. Shiver

People keep telling me what a piece of cake it is to care for a boy but I still worry. It's what I do.

There have been other worries too, like the money to fix the bathroom floor, slicing my heel open trying to save the bathroom from a Tot induced flood, fixing my Mac for digital art purposes, and more. It's never ending, but I hope it's not affecting the wee one too much. =)

Cramps - Thank you, Eve

2011-06-27T07:06:00.000-07:00

As the story goes, Eve screwed up in the Garden of Eden and thanks to her all women must suffer by bleeding out once a month and going through the pain of bringing more men and women into the world. Cramps are a part of all of the suffering. During menstruation, during pregnancy, after pregnancy, blah blah blah. What the hey man!?!

I can't move without aching. Well, yeah, I can move, but not suddenly. I can't sit up without feeling the stretching pain in my abdomen. Tot still thinks of me as a jungle gym, though she's becoming a bit more tame, my expanding gut and sore breasts still seem to get the brunt of her "attacks". And the accidental bumps are just as harsh.

On top of the cramps, I've got headaches and a crabby husband to deal with. He's been ill lately which means we are at each others' throats over stupid things like a drippy nose during dinner and the way he plops onto the couch next to me. Grrr. Pure stupidity at it's worst.

I have yet to get to a proper doctor, but I hope that I can squeeze the bills together a bit more to afford a trip to at least get an ultrasound and sugar test. I had gestational diabetes with Tot and Ado was over 9 lbs when she arrived so testing for glucose may be a wise idea while there. Oddly enough though, I don't think the docs will be willing to deliver this kiddo considering they refused to until the deductible was taken care of last time. This time it's nearly double and we have a long way to go before it's "take care of". Ridiculous.

Does anyone know if there is a law in Illinois/Ohio regarding children visiting jobless parents for an extended period of time over the summer? Seems that if he has to add her to a food stamp eligibility list that she shouldn't be there.

Round two

2011-06-08T05:38:00.000-07:00

So, we've made it past the first trimester and into the second. This means that the possibility of miscarriage is thinned and this baby may carry to full term. If I were to see a doctor I'd have more updates for you but right now all I can say is my pants are getting tighter, my belly aches, I'm still a bit tired, and I try to eat more often than usual.

I learned the hard way that if I don't eat, like my usual routine of skipping out on breakfast, I start to gag a lot and have the possibility of throwing up. This is not something I enjoy doing so I try to avoid it. We haven't had much money, let alone much food so I've been nibbling on what I can during the day, even if that means a cup of noodles for breakfast to tie me over till lunch.

Pants getting tighter at this point is a given. I've taken up on a hint I saw to use a rubber band across the buttons and looped through holes to help expand the waistline on a few of my work slacks. I do have a few elastic waist bands still from when I was pregnant with Tot so I am not in immediate need of running out and buying new clothes.

The pain in my abdomen is the same as before only much worse. As long as I'm not bleeding out or anything, it's said to be natural. My body is still making adjustments for the tiny condo that's going up in there. The support beams are creaking and stretching to find their limit. It aches when I get off my butt and walk around and as much as I'd love to just stay on my ever growing bottom, I know I need to get up and walk regardless. I had been taking the girls out for neighborhood walks as the sun sets the last few weeks, but here lately the heat advisory warnings has us cowering indoors in front of our tiny window unit and rotary fans. I'm thinking tonight I may take the girls to a book store or the mall for window shopping to keep cool and get some energy. These things are free after all and Mama needs to move.

Hope you're staying cool this Summer... Spring, whatever it is out there.

Eating tip

2011-06-03T07:18:00.001-07:00

Eating right

A number of foods are loaded with vitamin B-complex, folic acid, vitamins A and E, zinc, magnesium, iron, chromium, selenium, and essential fatty acids that add to your brainpower. To incorporate these elements into your diet is easy; all you have to do is eat. The best choices in food that include these elements are: sardines, herrings, shellfish, dried and sprouted beans, nuts, seeds, apples, apricots, black currents, carrots, bananas, liver, beets, celery, barley, brown rice, oats, kidney, lean beef, Brewer’s yeast, black strap molasses, wheat germ, basil, rosemary, ginger, and licorice. It is best to avoid foods high in sugar like baked goods and sodas, because they result in great fluctuations in blood-sugar levels, which causes breaks in your concentration and energy levels.

formspring.me

2011-05-24T05:34:00.001-07:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/thenewlui

Blogger outage

2011-05-13T12:09:00.000-07:00

Well, you probably didn't see the recipes I posted due to the outage issue Blogger was having yesterday and into this morning, but that's okay. I was browsing through some Twitter links this morning and came across another Blog which read to be yourself, no matter what and that sharing useless information with any followers you may possibly have is dull. If you all wanted to read about the vegetarian recipes I found elsewhere, you'd be reading them elsewhere instead of being here. Or, at least that's what I got out of it.

So instead of being drab and sharing those cool recipes I found, I'm going to tell you about Ado's first Field Day!

She's in the fourth grade so this year she was old enough to compete against other schools in the district in things such as the 100 yard dash, the tire walk, timed chin ups, and such. She'd told me the night before that she really didn't want to go to this thing because her school had been practicing for this thing for months and that she basically sucked. She'd done the tire walk and had twisted her ankle, falling and got laughed at. (Pay attention now, cause this is why I'll be getting the Mother of the Year - You suck Award) I told her that if someone else had fallen, wouldn't she laugh too?

"How often do we watch America's Funniest Home Videos and laugh at others' misfortune? If you stumble and fall, laugh it off with them, you'll feel better. Besides, you can't quit now, I just bought you a shirt and shorts for this."

She wasn't too happy about it, and suggested we go to a playground or something so she could run around and get more exercise to help her prepare. I wouldn't allow it though because neither of the kids had been listening to me and I was at my wits' end already. I was not about to chase them all over a park.

On Field Day:

I wasn't there for the entire day as I had reports and stuff to do at work first so I showed up just after 10 AM in my work clothes. I had thought about going home first for food, sunscreen and a quick change but I wanted to get there as soon as I could to cheer my big girl on. When I got to the school I figured she'd be easy to spot in her Field Day wear. Turned out theirs wasn't the only school who wore red. I began looking for poofy hair or the purplish hat we'd bought to prevent sunburn on her face. Needless to say, she'd forgotten the hat. Luckily she didn't get a sunburn... I did. (And it still hurts.)

Well, when I did find her she was at the dreaded event: The Tire Race. dun Dun DUN First they had to cross monkey bars, then run across a wooden beam, next it's foot work through some tires, and finally around a rope to wait for the others. We're standing there in line, waiting for her turn and it's beginning to drizzle. She starts to panic about slipping off the monkey bars and looking like an idiot. It's completely overcast and looking like the sky would open up and drench us all any minute. Then we saw it. Lightning. Off in the distance, a good long way away, but when the thunder rolled people started to panic. Then suddenly she had to pee. We rushed off in search of a restroom and by the time I came out (lost Ado on the way in) everyone was heading indoors. I waited for her just inside the door and when I saw her come back in rushed her to the restroom, since she appeared to be in great distress.

The principal of the hosting school suggested we break for lunch and try to finish the games after, depending on the weather. With Ado having forgotten her salad we rushed off to Subway for a quick bite then back to school. She was depressed most of the day because her old school was there too and she kept wishing to be on their team instead, and cheered them on instead of her own school. I was getting kinda tired of the rudeness of how she was behaving and treating her own school. In front of her classmates, no less, but everything worked out in the end.

She didn't have to do the Tire Race. Somehow the little turd managed to avoid that one altogether. The rest of the day went fairly smoothly. She lost a shoe in the 100 yard dash so came in last. I was on the other side of the field cheering her on and mentioned to a nearby parent that I'll have to start calling her Cindy. (Yeah, another parent award, eh?) It didn't seem to bother her much, but I managed to lose her for a bit after this event. I rushed to the car for my last $5 and bought us each a snow cone. On her next event she got a bull's eye in the softball toss. Only one of two in her entire class on both events!! Yeah, she rocks!! (High fives all around)

Tot and Fisher met up with us to swap cars and Tot off and we finished the day with just us three girls. We gobbled on Subway cookies on the way home and enjoyed our time together. I can't wait for next year.

Another LaaLoosh vegetarian recipe

2011-05-12T06:40:00.000-07:00

Ado is not fond of meat anymore. She used to love chicken to the point that we could tell her pork or beef was chicken and she'd at least try it. Now that she's seen the treatment of some animals she's gone vegetarian. (Glad she never seen my P.E.T.A. magazines when I still had my subscription.)

Well, if you aren't into the fancy pastry types and would rather use stuff you may have on hand, here's another LaaLoosh.com recipe you could try out with me. Ado doesn't like peppers so we may have to find an alternative for that but otherwise, I think this one may be a winner.

Vegetarian Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich Recipe

A great idea for a low calorie sandwich recipe that tastes AMAZING! Enjoy all the flavors of a traditional Philly Cheesesteak, but with a lot less fat and calories. Though this isn’t an official one of Weight Watchers Vegetarian Recipes, it’s a great meal idea for any dieter who doesn’t (or does!) eat meat.

Ingredients

4 Whole Wheat Fill’ems Sandwich Thins
4 large portobello mushrooms, sliced
1 large green bell pepper, thinly sliced
1 medium onion, sliced
2 garlic cloves, minced
3 1oz slices light/reduced-fat provolone cheese (Trader Joe’s makes a great one!)
1/4 cup fat free vegetable broth
1 tbsp whole wheat flour
1 tbsp reduced-sodium soy sauce
1/2 tsp freshly ground pepper

Instructions

Spray a large nonstick skillet with non-fat cooking spray and set over medium-high heat.
Add onion and garlic, and cook, stirring often, until soft and beginning to brown, 2 to 3 minutes.
Add mushrooms, bell pepper, and pepper and cook, stirring often, until the vegetables are wilted and soft, about 7 minutes.
Reduce heat to low; sprinkle the vegetables with flour and stir to coat. Stir in broth and soy sauce; bring to a simmer.
Remove from the heat, lay cheese slices on top of the vegetables, cover and let stand until melted, 1 to 2 minutes.
Divide the mixture into 4 portions with a spatula, leaving the melted cheese layer on top. Scoop a portion onto each toasted bun and serve immediately.

Preparation time: 10 minute(s)
Cooking time: 15 minute(s)
Diet type: Vegetarian
Diet (other): Low calorie, Reduced fat, Reduced carbohydrate, High protein
Number of servings (yield): 4
Meal type: lunch
Culinary tradition: USA (Traditional)
Rating 5 stars: ★★★★★ 1 review(s)
Recipe by LaaLoosh.com.
Entire recipe makes 4 servings
Serving size is 1 sandwich
Each serving = 4 Points +
PER SERVING: 173 calories; 3g fat; 21 g carbohydrates; 14 g protein; 8 g fiber

In other news, we are nearly to the "safe" mark in this pregnancy. I still haven't had the money to get to an Obstetrician to hear a heart beat or see the little peanut, but soon we'll get a better estimate of due date. Can you believe it's already gone so fast? 2 1/2 months pregnant! Yikes!

Ado had a Field Day with her school district on Tuesday. I took a few cell phone pics I'll add later and tell you how things went. Till then, Stay healthy!

LaaLoosh

2011-05-12T06:31:00.000-07:00

I've been getting emails full of delicious sounding recipes from LaaLoosh for a while.

Today there was a great vegetarian recipe that's cool. I don't mean cool as in rad, awesome, incredible, though those work too, but cool as in chilly. We don't have air conditioning in our house and yesterday it was 90 degrees inside when I got home. I opened extra windows trying to cool things off and we had cereal and pb & j sandwiches for dinner because it's way too hot to cook. Tot was crying she was so hot so I pulled out an ice pack and we all took turns using it to cool off.

So, if you're like me and truly roasting in this weather, here is a cool vegetarian recipe as found on LaLoosh.

Summer Vegetable Crepes Recipe

Enjoy these delicious low calorie crepes at a picnic or party this summer, and feel good knowing that each healthy crepe is just 4 Points +. Fresh and light, these tasty crepes are a wonderful no cook summer recipe that is easy, yet decadent.

Ingredients

4 9-inch “ready-to-use” crêpes
2 cups chopped cumber
1/4 cup red onion, chopped
1 cup green beans, chopped
1/2 cup fresh jicama, cut into thin strips
1/2 cup fresh corn kernels
1/2 cup chopped fresh chives
1/4 cup fresh cilantro, finely chopped
Zest from 1 lime
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/3 cup reduced-fat sour cream
3 tsp lime juice
1 cup part-skim ricotta cheese
1 1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp freshly ground pepper

Instructions

Stir sour cream, 1/4 cup chives, lime juice, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/4 tsp pepper in a small bowl until combined, and set aside.
Combine cucumber, green beans, jicama, corn, and onion. Stir in ricotta, lime zest, the remaining 1/4 cup chives, cilantro, garlic, and the salt and pepper.
To roll crêpes, place one on a piece of parchment or wax paper (or leave it on the piece of plastic separating the crêpes in the package). Spoon one-fourth of the vegetable-cheese mixture (about 3/4 cup) down the center of the crêpe. Use the paper (or plastic) to help you gently roll the crêpe around the filling. Place the crêpe seam-side down on serving plate. Repeat with the remaining crêpes and filling.
Serve each crêpe topped with 2 tablespoons of the reserved sauce and more chives, if desired.

Quick Notes

“Ready-to-use” crèpes can be found in the produce section of the market or near refrigerated tortillas.

Preparation time: 30 minute(s)
Cooking time:
Diet type: Vegetarian
Diet (other): Low calorie, Reduced fat, Reduced carbohydrate, Raw
Number of servings (yield): 4
Meal type: lunch
Culinary tradition: USA (General)
Rating 5 stars: ★★★★★ 1 review(s)
Recipe by LaaLoosh.com.
Entire recipe makes 4 servings
Serving size is 1 crepe and 2 tbsp of cream sauce
Each serving = 4 Points +
PER SERVING: 148 calories; 4g fat; 19 g carbohydrates; 15 g protein; 4 g fiber

Boring

2011-05-05T20:29:00.000-07:00

I read other blogs on occasion, but not like I used to. I read one yesterday from a mother of two wishing to have a third but has a husband who would rather she abort if she were to conceive again. Her story was compelling, a real page turner. I read through nine pages of her story and felt suddenly inadequate. I don't share my entire life here. My thoughts, feelings, adventures throughout the day are kept to myself because I fear sharing them publicly. I've even contemplated shortening what I share by making a comic. Less is more, as one of my college instructors had told me repeatedly. I do still contemplate the comic idea, but at the same time, I wonder if I should share more.

Would sharing more be more interesting to you? Would sharing more cause harm? Someone I see on a daily basis could read this and be upset with something I say. Would it matter, or rather should it? Blogs are web logs, personal journals shared with all the world in an entertaining manner.

Well, why not? You want to know a bit of truth?

I've been asked a few times about if I am excited about this baby. The moment that we found out, or rather I found out and said it out loud, Fisher shuffled through the door ecstatic about the verdict, kissed and hugged me and then paused at my reaction. "You don't seem excited," he'd said.

No... sure, I'm excited. Yeah... another baby... No. I'm not ready. I try to tell myself that it was meant to be, but we had only just begun talking about having another baby. I was still only just thinking about it. Thinking, not planning. So, no, I'm not entirely excited about super sore breasts, having to pee at all hours of the night and day, not being able to eat, drink, change a diaper, smoke, do dishes or take out the trash without gagging repeatedly. I wasn't ready, but I'm not going to deny this child. There is a reason for this baby to come into our lives, into this world and I'm happy to be a part of it and oblige. (And no, I'm not smoking anymore.)

There is a lot more planning to do to prepare for this kiddo though. For example, we just recently traded a car for a van so we will all fit. We will need to rearrange the house quite a bit to make room, and it won't last long. I had started tossing things after Tot, thinking we were done and now I will have to start over. Highchair, crib, car seat, breast pump, teething rings had all been tossed. I hate garage sale bargaining. I'd rather flea markets and Goodwill shops. Something will have to be done though. I can't afford much to prepare for this so I guess I'm kind of trying to focus on something I can do to help someone other than myself. Charity. Charity for kids, even better.

So, yep, I'm busy for a bit, I'm a boring blog writer because I don't know what's safe to share, or interesting enough. Perhaps knowing the real me wouldn't be so scary for you. Or would it? Maybe the comic idea isn't such a bad idea, huh? ;)

Keeping busy

2011-05-04T20:37:00.000-07:00

Halos of Hope is in need of +400 hats for kids with cancer going to camp in July. Some yarn was donated and I've been making hats. Big hats, little hats, red hats, yellow hats. Thanks to my mother and her little sister I have enough yarn to last quite a while. I asked them if they'd be willing to help pitch in with kid colors. I have orange, pale yellow, aquamarine, peach, pale green, so many Spring like colors. I hope to use my camo and a few other more bland colors laying around the house for the tween and teen boys.

In the meantime, I have other commissions I'm working on. I still have that afghan for my sister I'm working on, paintings and drawings, but I promised to share the drum head.

The original idea was from another artist. A friend asked me to paint a similar image on her boyfriend's banjo and he liked it enough that he asked me to attempt to duplicate it on a drum head for his band. This is the result. Personally, not as good as the banjo but they were happy with it. Next will be a pencil portrait. I may have to borrow Fisher's cell phone to take the picture of that one when it is done. It's due in July same as two pet portraits, but will be easier to take care of since it's something I can carry with me to work on.

Now if I can get the fetus growing within to slow down long enough to give me some energy I can get it all done and start working on Special Olympics 2012.

Donuts

2011-04-17T07:26:00.000-07:00

Today I found a recipe on Allrecipes.com for baked donuts. I don't like the thought of cooking anything in a vat of oil so I found a baked version. Ours look a bit more like big fluffy cookies, but they still taste amazing. You can find the recipe here. I topped ours off with some powdered sugar.

So far, I don't have pictures to show of the drum head because Fisher slept all day and then left to game with his friends for the remainder of the day. Keeping Tot out of the room and out of the paint while I work takes a second hand, of which I haven't had. Hopefully today I can get it done before he leaves for work.

As for pregnancy news, I've been getting nauseous and gagging at smells lately. I have a feeling "morning sickness" will be coming soon with this one. My pregnancy with Ado was full of morning sickness, starting in about the second month. I knew right away I was pregnant with her due to sore breasts, same as this one. With Tot, I was four months pregnant before I realized it.

No, I wouldn't have been on that show about not knowing I was pregnant till I actually had the baby. With PCOS, I've gone months, nearly a year without having a regular menstrual cycle so to me it was normal. My biggest clue with Tot's pregnancy was the mood swings. Fisher loves telling people that we believed I was bi-polar but turned out to only be pregnant. Yes, the mood swings get that dramatic.

Well, gotta get going. The last batch of donuts are about done and I have painting to get to.

Thor Hammer design and a new recipe

2011-04-16T07:26:00.000-07:00

A friend has a little girl who just turned 7. For her birthday they are giving her a Thor Hammer necklace during her birthday ritual. I made this as a gift for that special day and that special little lady. I used a pattern I found at April Draven's craft blog. A lot of great patterns and jewelry there. Check it out!

Last night I had Ado help make some Riccotta Gnocchi with me that I found at The Veggie Table. There are plenty of other recipes there I look forward to making.

I even attempted a breakfast burrito that turned out a bit bland. I used a potato, eggs, minced garlic, and some rice. A bit of black pepper, salt, and parsley for flavor but it didn't help much. We put cheese and sour cream on the tortillas before adding the rest and yet they still didn't have much flavor. They were pretty filling though. Every one but Tot had some and liked it. I even tried some breakfast rice for her and she still hasn't eaten anything.

I have plenty of work to get to and can as soon as Fisher decides to wake up enough to keep the kids entertained. Today I'm finishing up a painted drum head. Still looking for an actual camera to take pictures with. My cell is not very good at taking pictures, as if you couldn't tell from the hat image above. O_o

Are you sure?

2011-04-13T06:54:00.000-07:00

When I decided to write about this pregnancy from day 1 of finding out, I had decided that someone out there may need to know the ups and downs of a PCOS pregnancy. What's this feeling? Why do I ache here? What could this mean?

Granted, I'm not a doctor, but I've managed to have two girls already and have experienced some of these things before and thought that if I could share my experiences, good and bad, it could possibly help someone else.

During the first three months, the main worry or concern is, miscarriage. Yes, I've been there too. I remember the feeling well, and how long afterward it took for me to get over those feelings. My first marriage ended due to that miscarriage, according to my first husband. It was that combined with his cheating and beating, but that's not the point. Miscarriages are common for women with polycystic ovary syndrome. Then I had forced myself to quit smoking, and didn't do anything strenuous because we had been trying to conceive. Difference between that pregnancy and the first one to go full term was that I could feel the baby growing inside. Turned out it was a tubal pregnancy and that's why I could feel it. Even though we prayed to get pregnant, we didn't think to pray to have the baby. A long while after having the miscarriage, I counted it as a blessing. Getting out of that marriage in any way I could was a good thing and having had a kid with that man would have led to a life full of trouble, to put it nicely.

My second marriage ended up being the opposite of the first. When we got pregnant he wanted to be responsible and get married and raise the baby together. So, we got married, but when the baby came, his views changed and the marriage was over. By the time Ado was 6 months old he was telling us to leave because he wanted his old life back. He wasn't ready for the family he'd thought he wanted, and especially not with me.

Knowing you are ready is a good thing when deciding to become pregnant, but there is nothing you can do to change the man's mind in being a part of raising the child. So you'll also have to prepare to raise a child on your own if things don't work out. For some women, the first stressful point is in telling the father that they are pregnant and handling his reaction. Not all reactions are good ones, sadly.

So, now you're pregnant and your body is changing. Your breasts are sore and the nipples super sensitive, your abdomen feels like it's stretching worse than crunches just from bending over to pick up a pen, and you're bloated enough that your pants have become tighter though you may not have gained any weight. You don't want your partner to touch you because you're sore and crampy and achey and it's HIS fault. Well, you did take part in it too but while he's ready to jump into bed again and see if you can have twins if you tried again, you're suffering what feels like the worst menstrual cycle ever.

What does it all mean? Well, breast soreness and sensitivity starts early in pregnancy as the hormone levels change in your body to prepare for the little one. Besides the hormones, estrogen and progesterone building up in your system you are getting extra blood flow now as well. Those tatas will be producing milk in the coming months and are preparing for the adventures ahead. For me, this soreness was the first sign I noticed with two out of four pregnancies. If you are uncomfortable during sleep due to this achiness wear a bra to help give yourself extra support and ignore what your mother told you about stretching your bra out when wearing it to bed.

I looked around on-line about the cramps and stretching feeling in the abdomen and it seems quite a few women are worried about this symptom. Yeah, it's a symptom of pregnancy. What causes it and what does it mean? Well, your body is rearranging and making room for your wee one by stretching out your uterus. By month nine your mini-me won't have a lot of room to move, but in the first few months your uterus may grow to feel like it's preparing for a warehouse party. The cramps are similar to that of a normal menstrual cycle but the stretching feeling may catch you by surprise and worry you a bit. Like I said, you're not the only one out there worried about this. If the pain gets severe it could be due to dehydration, and if it's followed by bleeding, you must get to an E.R. immediately! Drink plenty of water and don't go beyond your normal limits.

Drinking plenty of water also helps ease the pressure with bloating. Progesterone is at work here too as it is what's stretching that uterus and putting pressure on your stomach and intestines. You'll feel full faster after a meal, possibly have gas, from both ends, and those favorite jeans of yours will be a bit snug. It's recommended to eat 6 smaller meals a day rather than your standard large 3 to help prevent that uncomfortable, get-me-a-wheel-barrow feeling. A point that beginners don't know, thanks to all those silly old sayings is that you are not eating for two. Your metabolism slows down during pregnancy to allow some of those nutrients you're shoveling in to make it to your growing fetus so there is no need to toss down more than usual. The usual weight gain during pregnancy is about 25-35 lbs. Gain too much and you could end up with an extra large baby, extra weight to struggle to lose afterward, and maybe even gestational diabetes.

Just because you're pregnant does not mean you have an excuse not to excercise. With all the hormonal changes your body is doing you may be plenty wore out and ready for a nap every few hours but it's actually best that you get up and move. Go for a walk, take the kids to the park, go swimming, or take a bike ride around the block. I'm plenty guilty myself, but I'm working to fix it. I'd rather take a nap too.

Yeah, pregnancy is a beautiful thing, isn't it?
Best of luck, Momma!

Work and more work

2011-04-10T12:43:00.000-07:00

So, the doctor agrees that we are pregnant and issued me some prenatal vitamins and some folic acid to take. I started taking them yesterday. Friday, after finding out that we truly are pregnant and starting on the regime of a healthy baby, I was given three more commissions. I have a mural sized painting, a small drawing and a drum head to paint as well as the two pet portraits I already had, the afghan for my sister and a bloody saw scarf for my friend, Lincoln. Going to be busy for a while on the outside as well as in.

Same goes for the house. We have a lot of work to do on the inside to prepare for a baby as well as on the outside. Fisher and I took the girls to get some yard tools to make the process go faster and we have been tearing up the yard all weekend in order to plant veggies, fruits, and flowers. Right now it looks a bit of a mess, but when it is all said and done we hope to have some tomatoes, strawberries, broccoli, zucchini, flowers, and more that we can pick from when we are in the mood. I have never had much of a green thumb but imagine the fresh veggies and such would come in handy for the baby too.

Maybe I will look into getting a Baby Bullet in the near future along with a new crib, since the last one fell apart and a new highchair. There is so much to do in the next few months to prepare. Hopefully the pocket change I will be making from these commissions will come in handy on obtaining a few of these items. Well, back to work. Just wanted to check in and let ya know that, yup, we're pregnant.

Pregnancy Diet

2011-04-07T11:39:00.000-07:00

First, I'd like to say thank you to those who've come, read, congratulated or left comments. It means a lot to me that you'd care enough to read what I put here.

Second, I'd like to offer to those women out there who may be pregnant... It's not all in your mind. Your pants really are getting tighter a lot faster than you'd imagined.

I swear, as soon as I took the tests and saw the positive signs, my pants got a bit more snug. It's not that I'm gaining pregnancy pounds already (trust me, I checked) but that I'm bloated. It's actually a symptom, and an early one at that, besides breast tenderness, missed period, and some others. I hadn't thought of it as a symptom, but after eating meals I felt full sooner and a bit puffy. I could eat half of what I may normally eat and be full enough that another bite may just become uncomfortable. I thought I was losing enough that my stomach may have been shrinking but when I checked the scale it either stayed the same or tipped the wrong way.

So now that we have an idea that we're pregnant... without a doctor's yes or no on it, I'm looking into what to and not to eat while pregnant as well as drink and vitamins to help with development of the baby and not my hips. Caffeine and cigarettes have already been tossed. Prenatal vitamins have been looked into as well as Omega 3 vitamins, though I'll be asking the doctor about those tomorrow. Most fish is a no-no, but I've already set out shrimp and scallops for tonight's dinner so they'll have to be thoroughly cooked instead of eaten raw. I think I'll try out Rachel Ray's Venetian Shrimp and Scallop recipe. Once pay day rolls around snacks will be included in our ("our" being mine and the kiddos') daily diets as well. I may bring apples, celery and carrots into work for nibbling.

My last pregnancy I'd ended up on insulin and checking my blood sugar every few hours. It was not fun and I don't want to repeat that again. Especially the paranoid extra visits as we got closer to baby's arrival. I can do without less stress and more doctor bills this time around. I've enlisted Amy over at PCOS Diva to help me out with vegetarian recipes for Ado and tips on how to have lower blood sugar levels this go around. She has a list of soups that I'm eager to try out as well as clean eating recipes that can help my little Ado become a true vegetarian.

In other news, Fisher's folks, as well as mine, are hopeful that it's a boy as we have all girls running wild in this family. I suggested that Old Wives' Tales suggest to eat more meat to increase chances for a boy. We have a freezer full of meat, litterally, but that doesn't mean I have to eat it daily, or that I believe in that old tale. But we'll see what happens. All I hope for is a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby, what ever it may be.

Oh! And we have a name picked for a boy but need help finding one for a girl. Suggestions are welcome!

Time for a change

2011-04-06T07:42:00.000-07:00

If you've read any of this blog lately, you'll notice that not only am I a fat girl, but I'm a woman with PCOS. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome prevents many women from being able to conceive, let alone carry to term. I have two little girls who I believe are miracles. Doctors told me when I had my first miscarriage that I'd never carry to term and I believed them. Each relationship I had I started with, if you want children, I'm not the one for you. Either from depression, lack of self-esteem from my first marriage ending, or PCOS I started gaining weight and have been struggling for years now to control it.

Today, that changes, along with this blog's meaning. I'll still be focused on eating healthy, but it won't be about losing weight. It's about having a healthy pregnancy.

Day 1:
Today I took two home pregnancy tests and they came out positive.
"Uh, looks like we're pregnant."
Fisher hobbled into the bathroom to kiss me, while I'm still sitting bare butt on the toilet. I thought that to be sure, I'd have to take another since we've thought in the past that we could be pregnant and it always turned out to be a false alarm.
"Yup, we're pregnant."
Fisher is thrilled! Ado is not sure, and Tot is too little to understand. I called the doctor's office to make an appointment for Friday to be sure. Here is where the new journey begins.

Crafty

2011-04-04T06:31:00.000-07:00

Still attempting to eat better, and hoping to get more active soon... In the meantime, I've not been painting, or drawing much lately because I've wrapped myself up in a few yarn projects. My sister, as I've mentioned before, is in the Navy. We keep in contact through email, and a couple of weeks ago she'd emailed to see what I've been up to. I told her I was practicing my knitting by making an afghan for the house. After losing power during a winter storm I realized how few blankets we have to spare, so I started a new one. My sister thought this was a great idea since it's cold on her ship all the time and offered to buy the yarn via the net and ship it to me so I could make her one as well.

Once her yarn came in, I'd laid my knitting aside and picked up my crochet hook again, as I crochet faster than I knit. Working from an old Red Heart afghan pattern book for our knitted afghan, I flipped through to find one for my sister as well. The pattern is easy enough to remember that I don't need to carry the book around with me and the colors she chose have it looking rather Victorian.

Fisher claims he's found the camera, but until he shares its whereabouts with me, here are a few pictures to show what I've been working on from the book.

This first pattern is the multi colored panel knit I started for the house. I'm not worried about colors, just using up whatever yarn I have laying around. Mine will look closer to the one on the left.

This second pattern is the one I'm doing for my sister. Fisher has teased about it's name (Twilight Wave) but I think with the Heather Grey, Black, and Berry Sis picked out, it's going to be amazing when done. The crocheted version is the one on the left.

More salad

2011-01-31T05:18:00.000-08:00

I've not been well, but I'm feeling much better than I was. I checked the scale today and managed to get below 240. I'll say it's the salads. That and watching what I put in my mouth a bit more closely. I'm not as active as I know I should be but when it's 30 degrees outside with a windchill of 15 you don't exactly feel like going walking. I did take my girls to the mall last week though. Had Ado trying on jeans at Macy's while I chased Tot around playing with a busted soccer ball she dug out from behind a counter in the kids' department. We walked around quite a bit, but it wasn't like, hey kids, let's go mall walking... We ate chicken terayaki at the food court before heading home so it wasn't all exercise.

I know there are better ways to do this and if I wanted to try harder I could do this much faster, but I'll just take it slowly for now. I'm happy to be under 240, but I don't know just how long it will last.

There is a snow/ice storm coming. They are likening it to an ice storm we had back in '04 where we'd lost power for four days and the schools and work offices were closed due to power failures. No body is looking forward to this but if it comes, and it's as bad as they're saying, I won't be checking in for a while.

Hope you all stay safe and healthy.

Flu Season

2011-01-25T20:43:00.000-08:00

It's been so long since I've gotten the flu that I'd forgotten how terrible it really is. Fever, coughing, headaches, nose can't decide if it wants to run or be stuffy so sometimes it's both, chills, aches, tired, sore throat, chest pain from the congestion... it's just never ending. I've been taking Day-Quil and Ny-Quil every few hours when I have it on hand, a few cough drops here and there when my throat screams for help, and I'm drinking constantly. Water, tea, juice, repeat. I've lost 8 lbs due to this nasty virus. Oh yeah, throw diarrhea into that mix up there. That one started Monday after work. I managed to make it through a day of work, thanks to a nap at lunch and heading to bed early, but called in on Tuesday. I tried to eat because I didn't want the beautiful ham I cooked up to go to waste. I nibbled... and it ran right through me. Terrible waste. Ha! I didn't intend that to be a pun... ahem.

Well, Ado did it again. Another dinner I've cooked with a form of meat and she wants to swear off meat entirely. So tonight I made the girls spaghetti o's and put the ham in the fridge, since I wasn't going to be able to eat it just yet. I started the dishes, but the weird ache in my left leg told me to sit. I started laundry, but the ache in my back said no. I wanted to clean the house, but the fever is telling me my time is up. Sure would be nice to win the lottery and afford a housekeeper. Even better if this was a lucid dream and I could get the family to help out.

Yeah right... Well, until I get to feeling better this Phat Girl is on a liquid diet and light duty. Hope you all are staying healthy out there.

Cheap Dinner

2011-01-21T06:01:00.000-08:00

Never said I wasn't a cheap date. Yesterday I finished off the last of the frittata for breakfast and lunch, had some more jelly beans around snack time, and had a bowl of Special K when I got home because the jbs didn't tide me over much.

So for a quick, cheap dinner, that I was sure the kids would eat, I threw together spaghetti, Ragu's alfredo sauce and tuna. I drank hot Earl Grey tea afterward and the girls and I took to a game of Mexican Train and some Bop It. I hope to make game time a regular occurrence.

Today for breakfast/lunch I brought the tuna mix left-overs. I also brought some cottage cheese to go with the petite carrots I've been nibbling on. I think the cottage cheese carrot mix may be breakfast, though it's 3 degrees outside today so I may opt for the noodles as they can be warmed up.

I'm not sure, yet what I'm doing about dinner tonight. May just be cereal. What? Special K has to be eaten some time.

Eggplant and Zucchini Frittata

2011-01-19T05:21:00.000-08:00

Ingredients

2	sm. size eggplants, thinly sliced
12	eggs
	Salt pepper to taste
	Sprigs of fresh thyme to taste
½	teaspoon salt
½	cup olive oil
2	baking potatoes, peeled
	thinly sliced
1	lg. onion, peeled
	thinly sliced
2	sm. zucchini, thinly sliced
2	red peppers, minced

Preparation

Step 1	Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Sprinkle the eggplants with salt, put in a colander and let stand for 10 minutes. Rinse with cold water and pat dry.
Step 2	Pour the olive oil into a 12 inch baking dish. Heat the oil in the oven for 5 minutes and remove.
Step 3	Arrange the potato and onion slices in the baking dish and bake for 20 minutes, or until potatoes are slightly tender.
Step 4	Arrange the zucchini and eggplant slices on top of the potatoes and bake for 5 minutes.
Step 5	Sprinkle the red peppers over the other vegetables. Beat the eggs and season with salt and pepper. Pour the eggs over the vegetables and arrange the thyme on top. Bake until the eggs are set and the sides have puffed, about 20 minutes. (Reduce oven temperature if eggs cook too fast.) The top will become golden brown and a knife inserted in the middle should come out clean. Do not overcook. The frittata should be firm but not dry. Serve hot or at room temperature. Yields: 6 servings

This was breakfast and lunch today. I made this last Saturday and only Fisher and I ate any. The oldest, Ado, was happy about the potatoes and not much else. Being as she wouldn't touch it, neither would Tot, the little one. So I get the left-overs. Lunch was topped off with a bit of string cheese to add more flavor. Afternoon snack: 2 gingerbread men cookies by Keebler, 2 jelly beans, some petite carrots and another string cheese. Been drinking water with apple cider vinegar before major meals as well, to help with digestion.

After homework and while watching some Yo Gabba Gabba the kids and I nibbled on Triscuits with melted string cheese. This was too close to pizza so we ordered some and I had two slices.

Virtual Lui - again

2011-01-18T07:11:00.000-08:00

My Virtual Model

Trying this again. I posted a model before but seemed to have lost the password to the account and though it tells me I have an account with my email when I try to retrieve the password, claims there is not an account with that email. Crazy, I know.

So, here's an updated model version of me.

Be Accountable.

2011-01-18T06:22:00.000-08:00

Receptionist: I can't resist! You usually move through here so quickly and I just have so many questions I want to ask you. You have no idea what your work means to me.
Melvin Udall: What does it mean to you?
Receptionist: [stands up] When somebody out there knows what it's like...
[place one hand on her forehead and the other over her heart]
Receptionist: ... to be in here.
Melvin Udall: Oh God, this is like a nightmare.
[Turns around and presses the elevator button multiple times]
Receptionist: Oh come on! Just a couple of questions. How hard is that?
[Scampers up to Melvin]
Receptionist: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.

It's one of my favorite quotes from the movie As Good As It Gets. I realize I haven't been feeling like I'm being held accountable for my weight loss goals. There are few people, if anyone, who reads this blog at the moment so it's more for me than anyone, and that was the original intention. It was also to have it all down in place somewhere that I can pull it up any where and see what I did to lose weight on any particular day, save tips that I can refer back to, and maybe even share recipes. What I lack is accountability, not to you, not to my family, but to myself.

I stepped on the scale last night and realized I'd gained 10 lbs back. I've been eating oatmeal for breakfast every morning for about a month or two now, but all my meals in between have been steadily getting worse. Last night, before weighing I found myself sharing Goldfish S'mores with my little one. I complained to my oldest only hours earlier that we needed to lose some weight together because I discovered in the morning that I was wearing her underpants. I shouldn't be able to fit into a 9 year old's under-roos.

What I'm doing doesn't just affect me, it affects my children, and not so much in that "your Momma is fat", but that "you're tubby too". I don't need my babies to grow up being teased for the way they look. We have enough other problems in the world today without having to be a 9 year old worrying about being on a "diet".

So, I'm going to try to be more accountable in my weight loss regime. You'll hear more of the good, the bad, and the ugly (yes, you've been warned). I may even, for myself, of course, include what I eat on here somewhere, starting today.

Breakfast: Fruit and Maple Oatmeal from McDonald's
                  Small cup of coffee with 1 creamer
Lunch: 2 packs of Quaker Mix up Apple-tastic Oatmeal
           half a 20 oz Coke
Snack: 9 Pretzel pizzeria Combos
Afterschool/work snack: 1 banana, 1 string cheese
Dinner: Breaded chicken tenders from convection oven
            Velveeta shells and cheese
            canned green beans
            Cran-grape juice

formspring.me

2011-01-03T04:59:00.003-08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/thenewlui

Garden

2010-12-20T10:25:00.000-08:00

Being new to this whole gardening thing, I'm scared to touch mine right now. We had snow and some ice recently and I'm afraid that it's too cold for my brocoli and cabbage to survive. I had Fisher help me lift the sheets from the brocoli to break up the ice. The brocoli leaves are still green but the poor things got weighed down from all the ice and are looking a bit droopy. I don't know if watering them when it's so frigid out is a good idea or not so I'm calling this attempt at gardening a bust.

Maybe next year I'll think ahead and build a Cold Frame for my little garden in the Autumn, but till then I think I may just wait till Spring to try again.

How's your garden growing?

Cookies for Shipmates

2010-12-19T19:29:00.000-08:00

My little sister is in the Navy and she and her Shipmates are on their way to Malaysia. She emailed me a week ago asking me to make her and her mates some cookies.

Sure, I said, but what kind?

Sugar cookies with the Holiday M & Ms would be great!

Well, I'd already planned on making some Cranberry Orange cookies for a cookie exchange at work, so I picked up extra ingredients to make the special cookies for my sister.

Three bags of M & Ms (because one was going to be used for rice crispy treats for the kids). A bag and a half later some of the cookies have gone missing and one of the bags of candies disappeared too. No one seems to know what happened to it. So, in order to have enough to go around I'm dipping balls of sugar cookie dough into granulated sugar for a sweet extra topping.

I'd found the recipe for the Cranberry Orange cookies in my email from AllRecipes.com so I browsed for some quick sugar cookie recipes too. I found this one by Stephanie, which just happens to be my sister's name, so they must be perfect!

The Cranberry Orange Cookies recipe I found was about the only one I'd come across that didn't have oats in it, but instead had an icing made with confectioner's sugar and orange juice. They were a hit at the cookie exchange. While doing the exchange I heard of a simple recipe for Turtle candies too. Buy the square pretzels, Rolo candies and halved walnuts. With pretzels on a cookie sheet place a Rolo on top of each pretzel and put in the oven at 250 degrees for about 5 minutes so the candy gets soft. Press a halved walnut on top and let cool. Ta da! Easiest candy recipe I've ever heard of and they tasted amazing. Dare I say, even better than the cookies, though the German Chocolate cookies were a hit at my house.

Well, I better pack up the last of those cookies before my miniature cookie thief runs through with a sweet tooth again. Little sneak. ;)

Happy Holidays!

A new find

2010-12-17T05:24:00.000-08:00

If you are looking for others out there with PCOS to relate to there are forums and blogs that you can look into and follow and there are plenty up on Facebook and Twitter as well.

Here is one I've been following for a few months now whom I adore. She shares tips and tricks on dealing with PCOS and feeling beautiful again, as well as studies on the disease and recipes too! Go check out Amy at PCOSdiva.

Holidays are tough

2010-12-17T05:15:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't been around lately. I began posting on another blog and then let that one lapse due to the National Novel Writing Month. Never heard of it? In brief, it's a month of writing in order to get 50,000 words of a novel, manuscript or whatever you write out of your head and onto paper or screen. I use Word and managed to finish the month with 50,053, but the story isn't done yet.

Any way, I'm back. You missed me, didn't ya? Yeah, I know. There, there. I'm here now, no need to cry.

Well, here I am. I have been busy, but not so busy that I haven't kept on looking for ways to eat healthy or to help with autoimmune diseases.

PCOS hasn't been described as such but there are many who believe that it carries the signals of an autoimmune disease. I've been trying to find common links to other such diseases through PCOS. There are quite a few women out there who have other diseases as well as PCOS but I haven't been able to decipher whether or not there is an actual link.

That's right. I'm not focusing so much on getting thin, as I am on the reasons I'm fat. I've been going about this whole thing all wrong. I was a slender 19 year old when PCOS started taking over and then over the next 10-15 years I blew up. It started with little symptoms like hair. Yeah, who wants to talk about unwanted hair? The things that most women know about but no one actually likes admitting to: Facial hair.

It might start with a couple of dark hairs on your lip line, under your chin, or even on your neck. You pull them out with your fingertips, you tweeze, you even bleach, or try facial hair removals only to end up with a rash. If you're as relentless as I am and listen to others you may have even busted out the razors and now feel the need to shave on a daily basis. That's right. I said shave. A woman. Shaving her face.

I'm positive this is where the bearded fat lady images originated.

Well, I'm too poor to afford laser hair removal so I'm going to focus on food. We haven't had much money to get anything healthy lately and have been living off of noodles again. I'm sure the snow and ice has destroyed my little garden, but I'm too afraid to lift the blankets to see. I'll have to find other ways to have healthy food at reasonable prices.

Anyway, enough for me for now. Back to work I go but I'll be back! Promise.

Two new recipes

2010-09-14T05:27:00.000-07:00

I posted two recipes over at the new blog yesterday; Daily Blargh.

Perhaps, you'd like to try them.

Daniel's Blackened Fish

2 fillets of your favorite white fish
1tbsp paprika
1tsp salt
1tsp black pepper
1tsp garlic powder
1tsp onion powder

If you like hotter, use 1 tsp cayenne pepper
Mix it all together
Melt 4tbsp of butter in a small pot while you heat a regular pan to medium
Once the butter is melted, remove from heat, dip each fillet in the
butter, then sprinkle the spices over the fillets, both sides
Put the fillets int he pan, pour some melted butter on top of them,
cook for 3 minutes
Rotate the fillets, pour butter, cook for 3 more minutes
DONE

I’m not so sure about all of the butter, but I may try the recipe out with some salad soon.Thanks, Daniel!
Though I still don’t have an oven, but assuming you do, you may like to try out these treats as well.

Cape Cod Cranberry Squares
1-1/2 c. sugar or 1-1/2 c. splenda or 3/4 c. baking splenda
2 eggs 1/4 c. unsalted butter, melted and then cooled
1 t. almond extract
1-1/2 c. flour 2 c. fresh cranberries
1/2 c. chopped toasted pecans or almonds
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter 9-inch square baking dish. Beat sugar and eggs together in a large bowl until slightly thickened. Beat in melted butter and almond extract. Add flour and stir until well blended. Stir in cranberries and nuts. Bake until tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 50-60 minutes. Transfer to rack to cool. Dust with powdered sugar, if desired.

And in honor of They Draw and Cook, I shall illustrate these recipes and share the resulting illustrations here as well as at the Blargh.

A new/old way to lose

2010-09-07T06:27:00.000-07:00

...and gain!

I've decided to try my hand at gardening. It's my first time and though I bought four packs of seeds I only planted two of them. This year, I'm going with broccoli and cabbage.

I haven't done a whole lot of research, but I've done enough to know that they need about an inch of water a week, work great in cool weather, and they have a tendency to attrack cabbage worms. I've had quite a few of these little buggers myself. I check the plants daily. Yesterday I found the biggest one so far, and a tiny one down in the dirt, probably making his way from one plant to another.

Most of the planting I've done was from seed packets, but I did buy two cabbage and four broccoli seedlings that I transferred into the garden. These are the plants I'm checking daily.

During a search this morning I came across this blog: Natural Gardening. I was looking for more ideas on how to care for my garden. I've decided to follow LKW to see if I can learn more about natural gardening. I don't recall what I was searching for, but a week or so ago, I found another blog on Tumblr, by a woman with PCOS who started gardening and was able to lose more weight than with dieting and exercise alone. Sadly, I can't find it now, but will post a link as soon as I do. I did find a couple of articles on the benefits of gardening and weight loss, and how many calories you can burn by doing what activity.

Here's a sample:

You CAN lose weight by gardening ~ eat less and move more! The following list shows what a typical man weighing 180 pounds will burn in 30 minutes of activity. If you weigh more you can burn even more calories!
Watering lawn/garden - 61
Raking - 162
Bagging leaves -162
Planting seeds/seedlings -162
Planting trees - 182
Weeding - 182
Clearing Land - 202
Digging, spading, tilling - 202
Laying Sod - 202
General gardening - 202
Chopping wood - 243
Gardening with heavy power tools - 243
Mowing the lawn with a push mower -243
Shoveling snow - 243
Shoveling heavy snow - 364 cals
Tips for your success:
1. Don’t over do it~ one or two hours of gardening is plenty, especially when you are beginning!
2. Don’t lift objects that are too heavy for you. If you injure yourself, chances are that you won’t be able to continue to garden for exercise and weight loss.
3. Stretch before, during and after gardening. Don’t stay down on your knees while weeding or planting for extended periods of time~ get up and move!
4. Get out in your garden and exercise at least 3-4 times a week.
5. Continue your outdoor exercise routine even after you last blooms have faded. Shoveling the snow, raking leaves, and splitting wood are great calorie burners that will lead to weight loss!
6. Don’t forget the added benefit of growing your own healthy fruits and vegetables and your yard will look beautiful from all of your hard work!

For more from this article click here.

Another added benefit to gardening = natural antidepressant. Yeah, it's said to help you relax and reduce stress. I can tell you that ripping weeds and roots from the ground while 'hand-tilling' my garden was a great stress reducer, but remember to wear gloves. Blisters are no fun. Also, if you have kids like I do, try not to get too stressed if they keep stepping on "the babies" while running around in the yard. After spending a couple of weeks ripping up grass, weeds, sunflowers that were dying and a bush stump, my girls are used to seeing mommy on hands and knees in this dirt patch. I used rocks and bricks to outline the garden area, but they still like to test me by walking through it. Silly kids. I'll post pictures as soon as I find the camera again. =)

Here is another article on more benefits from gardening, including the one that I just mentioned.

From Scratch vs Quick and Easy?

2010-08-16T06:13:00.000-07:00

If I have the time, I like to work from scratch. Problem is, more often than not, I don't have a lot of time, because I have a toddler trying to climb up my legs, a 9 year old begging for attention and a husband cursing cause he can't find something. Quick and easy works best for me, but you can be the judge.

I came across a Scratch recipe on LifeScript.com, which is a website geared towards women's health, for some great Cranberry Pancakes.

First, their recipe:

Ingredients:

1/2 cup fresh cranberries
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons whole-wheat flour
1 tablespoon yellow cornmeal
1 tablespoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg, or 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
6 tablespoons nonfat milk
2 tablespoons pasteurized egg substitute, such as Egg Beaters , Egg Beaters
1 1/2 teaspoons walnut or canola oil

Preparation:

Bring 2 inches of water to a boil in a small saucepan. Add cranberries; boil for 2 minutes. Drain and cool for 5 minutes.
Meanwhile, whisk all-purpose flour, whole-wheat flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder, salt and nutmeg (if using) in a large bowl.
Whisk milk, egg substitute, oil and vanilla (if using) in a small bowl until combined.
Coarsely chop the cranberries; stir into the milk mixture. Stir the milk mixture into the dry ingredients just until combined.
Coat a griddle or large nonstick skillet with cooking spray; heat over medium heat. Using 1/4 cup of batter for each pancake, cook 2 pancakes at a time until bubbles dot the surface, 2 to 3 minutes. Flip and continue cooking until browned, 1 to 2 minutes more. Repeat with the remaining batter.

My version:

Pick out a pancake mix that you like. Biscuick, Aunt Jemima's, whatever it might be and follow directions on the box to make pancakes as you normally would.

Instead of the tart bite of fresh cranberries, I prefer to use dried cranberries, which actually come in a variety of flavors and are a bit sweeter.

If you want to plump them a bit before adding them into your mix, add them to boiling water for a few minutes till they fatten up.

For more recipe ideas using dried cranberries, you can go to OceanSpray.com/recipes to find recipes from breads, salads, drinks, desserts and more.

Support for animals and the Queen of Nuffink

2010-08-09T06:06:00.000-07:00

Haley Stewart was kind enough to follow this blog after I'd left some comments on hers some time ago. She's always around with helpful tips, a pat on the back, or a handy cheer and I'm very appreciative.

I'd like to try and return the favor of support by suggesting you hop on over to Farm Sanctuary and help Haley with her fundraiser. A bit about Farm Sanctuary:

Farm Sanctuary is the nation's leading farm animal protection organization. Since incorporating in 1986, Farm Sanctuary has worked to expose and stop cruel practices of the "food animal" industry through research and investigations, legal and institutional reforms, public awareness projects, youth education, and direct rescue and refuge efforts.

Walking is good for your health and walking in this way can be good for others too. In this case, it's for animals, for research, for education, and awareness.

This year's walk has a spokesperson from The Biggest Loser. (As if, I didn't already say it was healthy for you.)

This year we are happy to welcome our first-ever Walk spokesperson, celebrity trainer Bob Harper, from the TV show The Biggest Loser. Bob is just as passionate about farm animal protection as he is about health and fitness, so we’re thrilled he’s joined us to speak out for animals.

Farm Sanctuary is run by volunteers and the money raised goes directly towards helping the animals.There are videos, tours, a shop that's vegan friendly, and even animal spotlights that show how rescued animals are getting along since their rescue. As if that isn't enough go check out Farm Sanctuary for more information about the walk and much more!

A word from Haley:

On September 25th I will be walking to raise money for Farm Sanctuary. I am hoping to be able to raise a decent amount of money for my efforts as I really feel this is a worthy cause and I have never done anything remotely this awesome in my life.

If you know anyone who can help, might be interested in donating for me, please send them here. Every little bit helps!

Thank you so much!

Peace and luff!!

So, we have until September to help Haley raise more money for her cause and root her on her way to a healthier way of living. Go Haley!!

No Stove? No Oven?

2010-08-04T08:48:00.000-07:00

I think most recipes we find are suited to cooking by stovetop or in the oven. A few are made to be out on the grill. What do you do if you don't know how to use a grill and have no oven to bake in and no stove to cook on? Find something suitable to microwave!

I found a Herbed Tuna Sandwich Recipe that might just might work. Taste of Home sent an email with some great recipes but most of them are not microwavable. I Do have a toaster and a working microwave though so I'm going to try this recipe out my way and see what happens.

Herbed Tuna Sandwiches

Ingredients

2 cans (6 ounces each) light water-packed tuna, drained and flaked
2 hard-cooked eggs, chopped (omitted in my case)
1/3 cup fat-free mayonnaise
1/4 cup minced chives
2 teaspoons minced fresh parsley
1/2 teaspoon dried basil
1/4 teaspoon onion powder
8 slices whole wheat bread, toasted
1/2 cup shredded reduced-fat cheddar cheese (going with sliced American)

Directions

In a small bowl, combine the first seven ingredients. Place four slices of toast on an un-greased baking sheet; top with tuna mixture and sprinkle with cheese.
(In this case, put bread in toaster, then when ready place on plate, top with mixture and cheese and pop in microwave till cheese is slightly melted.)
Broil 3-4 in. from the heat for 1-2 minutes or until cheese is melted. Top with remaining toast. Yield: 4 servings.

You can find more great recipes at A Taste of Home! Share what you come up with!

Still alive

2010-08-03T12:47:00.000-07:00

...barely. This heat has been killing us.

Yeah, so we moved again. Landlady we've been renting from decided it was our place she wanted to lease to her pastor so we had to find some where else to go. We bought a place for stupid cheap and then found out why.

There is a gas leak so we don't have hot water or a cooking stove, there are roaches (fogged twice and called the exterminator twice - bugs from hell), water was leaking but now fixed, water leak caved the floor in the master bathroom, gas pipes will need to be replaced, water heater needs to be replaced, air conditioner does not work so we are using window units... etc

So yeah, I'm here, but barely. I've been packing, now unpacking. I've been stripping black paint from cabinets and drawers, pulling peel and stick tile off of kitchen carpeting, and trying to find dinner for my family that doesn't need to be cooked in an oven or stove-top.

With all of the sweating Fisher and I did last week I think we could have lost 20 lbs, combined, but I know that the lurking scale will have to wait with all the work I've got ahead of me.

Little Bit and Monster Kid both have their own rooms again and are thrilled about it. We own our home. Lot rent is half what we were paying at the last place. See? There are good points too. Like even though we don't have central air at the moment, we kept our window units from three houses ago and put them to use.

We are blessed. Or is that cursed? lol

I'll keep in touch.

No money = Poor food choices

2010-06-08T07:35:00.000-07:00

Over at Eat, Drink and Be, Amanda Lucas offers the suggestion that it's not a lack of motivation but of funds that Americans Obesity rates are climbing.

I believe I've mentioned before that my lack of money prevents me from buying fresh ingredients to make great recipes from. My kiddos are tough critics when it comes to eating but rather than giving in and letting them eat something else from what we eat, I should stick to my guns.

The article mentions that some eating habits start in childhood. We eat what we grew up eating. If our mothers and fathers made us mac and cheese with hot dogs for lunch, we will be feeding our kids the same things. We continue the cycle.

The difference between our childhood and those of the kids today is that we were more active. We were outside playing till the street lights came on. We played hide and seek, and raced bikes up and down the hills in the empty lots down the street. We walked to the nearby gas station for a treat, or over to the library 15 blocks away. Now, even gaming consoles are adjusting to try to get kids active again so that parents won't feel as guilty allowing their children to stay indoors and play video games all day.

What I'm saying is, we burned off the hot dogs and mac and cheese. Our kids are bigger than we were at that age because they are less active.

Amanda's research also suggests that poverty stricken areas don't have as easy access to fresh meat, vegetables and fruits. If we offer these foods at a reasonable price, would our youths be able to be more active? Would they have the energy to get out and play? Would we be out walking instead of sitting in front of the television?

What do you think? Do you agree that it's money, or motivation, or even lack of resources? Is it genetics?

Being healthy

2010-06-08T07:17:00.000-07:00

Being healthy is tough work!
I keep having to tell myself that the pounds didn't go on over night, so they won't come off overnight! (Although wouldn't that just be fantastic!) I've been pretty active as of late. Well more active than I usually am! LOL

I've cut my grass twice (my yard is enormous!) and not on any of these riding lawn mowers either! A good ole fashion push mower...well not too old fashion it actually uses gas...and my sweat! : )
I've walked quiet a few places as well...although some of those places were when I was partaking in adult beverages lol which in itself I've cut back on as well. The last time we were out I believe I drank water and when we came home had one beer! : ) Score one for me! I just need to train my brain to not eat when not hungry! Ugh, it's like a battle within myself! I'm such an over eater...
It's a bit depressing...but I'm amazing lol and I'll make it through.

I'm still poor! So making healthy eating decisions is hard most of the time! It's much easier to make due with something off the dollar menu than to make a ten dollar salad for one person. But alas some day I'll get my priorities straight and have money to put towards fresh veggies...which speaking of, I should have in abundance soon, thanks to Grandpa's garden! SCORE! I will have such favorites as : zucchini, tomatoes, green beans, cucumbers, and green peppers. Yum! I can make meals outta those. Heck I eat tomatoes like they're apples! SOOOO delish! I can't wait.

I went on a float trip this passed weekend. Dreaded swimsuit season is upon us...
It’s funny though…cause out of all the super cute, bikini clad girls on the float trip that I went on…I..let me repeat that, “I” was probably the one with the BEST self esteem…I know! WOW! : )
It felt good…I must admit… I mean, there were these friggin 92 pound girls in bikinis saying they needed to lose weight and they wouldn’t eat breakfast cause they’d be “bloated” for the float!
I was like, you are beautiful and delusional! Shut up and eat cause I’m not carrying your butt when you pass out! LOL. It really just made me realize that everyone has body issues, ya know?
They were the nicest, funniest girls in the world, very beautiful and here they were worrying about their bodies. Granted I worried too…but I didn’t say anything. I held my head up high and eventually just realized that I shouldn’t worry about it, I should worry more about having a good time and rocking out a canoe! : ) Which I did! (Great for your upper body btw!)
All in all I had a great time and didn’t let my body image issues ruin anything! Yay me! : )

Till next time!
LiNcOln KeNnEdY

Cholesterol

2010-05-25T12:22:00.000-07:00

My blood work came back and the doctor's office called immediately. Fisher got the message and called me at work. When I spoke with the nurse she told me they were doubling my prescription.

"You mean the cholesterol medicine?"

"Yes."

"I ran out of that two months ago and the pharmacy said I'd been denied refills."

"Say what?!"...

She then told me that I should have been on it all along and that if there were any other discrepancies with my meds to call them and they'll deal with the pharmacy. Double the prescription, decrease fat and cholesterol intake, exercise regularly and do another lab in 3 months.

"3 months?! As in August?"

"Yes, I'll mail you the lab form as a reminder."

Yay...

So, how do I handle this? Well, a little more research into how to cut back cholesterol might help. I've been cutting back on sugars to lower my blood sugar because I noticed it's been getting high and I've been feeling drained.

First thing you might read about in connection to cholesterol is that it can cause blocked arteries leading to heart attacks and possible death. *rolls eyes* Great! Let's see what the local news station says about conquering cholesterol.

According to holistic nurse Luanne Pennesi, sound nutrition is the key to maintaining a healthy heart.

"Heart disease happens when inflammation occurs inside the arteries,” she said. “The right nutrition will fuel the body and protect it. The wrong foods create inflammation inside the circulation, which predisposes us for heart disease, stroke and heart attacks."

Magnesium-rich and alkaline foods like dark leafy greens, seaweed, and fish, as well as foods full of flavonoids like green tea, brown rice, pitted fruits, whole grains, garlic and onions are naturally anti-inflammatory and less toxic than medications due to their inherent abilities to cleanse, and rebuild immunity, Pennesi said.

Hm, so if I eat a lot more garlic, onions, grains and such I may be able to stop taking the meds I'd already stopped taking. Okay, go on.

Pennesi recommends the following measures for achieving optimal long-term cardiovascular health:

Work towards eliminating:

— Fast foods

— Refined sugars

— Hydrogenated oils

— Butter

— Table salt and excessive salt intake of all kinds

— Soda both regular and diet

— All high sugar fruit juices

— All bread, except sprouted

— All baked goods and pastries

— Ice cream

— Chips and packaged snack foods

— Caffeine, alcohol, tobacco and recreational drugs

Start incorporating:

— Organic fruits and vegetables, including potatoes and squashes

— Whole grains like barley, millet and brown rice

— Sprouted breads and pastas

— Avocados

— Olives

— Earth Balance "butter" spread

— Beans and lentils

— Nuts: walnuts, almonds, cashews

— Seeds: sunflower, pumpkin, sesame

— Green leafy vegetables and raw salads

— Sautéed or steamed vegetables

— Low mercury wild caught fish— Limited amounts of good quality sea salt— Rice milk based ice-cream

Cook with:

— Organic coconut oil

— Organic nut and seed oils, but not olive oil. Add "cold pressed" olive oil to hot dishes after cooking and to green salads.

— Onions and garlic

Drink:

— Organic green and herbal teas

— Filtered water with lemon

— Non- dairy milks: almond, soy or rice milk

Okay, what the heck is sprouted bread?

Differing from essene bread while still following similar principles is Sprouted Grain bread. Sprouted Grain bread contains added yeast and gluten to create a more edible loaf. This is not as harsh and concentrated as essene bread is often thought to be.

I'm still not sure I get it, but I'll find recipes and make some, if I can. The rest I can handle. It will be like going back to a diabetic diet full time. Question is, how will I get my family on board with this change so that I can stick to it?

I'm open to suggestions, especially from anyone with kids or other picky eaters. n_~

Thanks Mom

2010-05-18T21:33:00.000-07:00

My mom is always trying to look out for me. Even though I am 33 years old, my mom still emails me tidbits on health articles when she's concerned about something I've mentioned. This information was emailed to me with the subject line reading "Eat More Sweet Potatoes". I love you too, Mom. <3

So, I'd like to share the advice she found with you.

A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... And YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.

A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.

Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.

A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.

Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.

Celery, BokChoy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.

Avocadoes, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).

Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.

Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.

Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries

Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.

Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.

Invisible

2010-05-18T21:13:00.000-07:00

I'm still alive. Trying to keep up with commissions with my husband's late night hours at work and overtime. I've been having to hire a babysitter to get any work done on paintings and such and the house looks like two mini hurricanes blew through. Doesn't matter how often I pick up, it's a mess again the following day.

Meals haven't been the healthiest I can make them but the kids are eating again. Well, mostly. Opting out of squash and meat, MK ate only mashed potatoes tonight. LB gobbled it all up like if she didn't eat it fast enough the teddy bears on her chair were going to leap off the padding and finish her plate before she could blink. It was a nice change. Shame it wasn't technically all home cooked food. Microwavable dinners from the meat section aren't shameful, they are quick and easy. Right?

Complicated recipes seem to fly over my families heads. I could spend all day cooking up a fantastic meal from scratch and my kids will turn their noses up at it and beg for Maruchan cup of noodles instead. Yes, it's disheartening and I am losing faith in getting my family to eat healthy. Sneaking it in helps only part of the time.

Rather than sit and mope about the lack of weight lost, or my health getting any better, I've given in to my family and started buying pretzels instead of nuts, canned noodles in sauce instead of making Chicken Parmesan from a recipe, and buying frozen juice instead of blending my own smoothies. What else can I do? I don't have the time to make separate meals for everyone.

One option I can think of quickly is to start going with frozen dinners. There are plenty of Lean Cuisines and such that I could base a diet on that would cost little difference in our savings. Everyone would get what they want if they could choose their own meals and dinners would be a snap every night. Wouldn't it?

Well, tomorrow I have to fast because my doctor refuses to give any more refills until I do the lab work he's requested. I suppose then I'll find out what kind of damage this junk food diet is doing to my cholesterol and just how crazy I am chemically. Yay? For now, it's after 11PM and I have a pot of coffee and painting waiting for me.

Update on Lincoln

2010-04-19T08:56:00.000-07:00

So I wasn’t exactly on my “best behavior” this passed weekend…
I didn’t jog and I ate fast food Saturday and Sunday…as well as drank “adult beverages” on Friday….I would normally feel HORRIBLE about this…but I’ve decided to think positively instead!

I plan on either jogging or getting my sister to go to the gym with me tonight as well as at least two more times the remainder of this week. Plus I’ll most likely have to cut my grass AGAIN this week, as it has already grown unruly from last weekend! Along with that exercising, I will be attempting to make meals at home…and with my budget (of no $ lol) this should be interesting! :)

There is good news to this weekend though! I haven’t done any snacking…aka boredom eating! YAY! Victory! That is a HUGE victory in fact for me. I just haven’t wanted to snack! Been too busy I suppose. I have projects that I’m working on and pretty excited about, so that helps!

Speaking of, I kept busy this weekend by making two small shelves! I got to put rivets in (something I had never done before and find incredibly satisfying!) as well as paint them and then one of my favorite things, I got to rearrange to find a place for the two shelves! So I’m sure that took a big chunk of time out of my snacking boredom! Tonight I plan on starting on some painting of some alternative lawn gnomes! : ) Fun times and plenty of distraction! I’ll weigh myself soon and keep you updated! Till then!

Guest Blogger

2010-04-05T11:50:00.000-07:00

Lincoln Kennedy and I have not been able to get together for her previous self-challenge. She's asked if she might guest blog and I think she's got other ideas up her sleeves. What's going on Lincoln?

It's been a hot minute since I've last blogged here, but Lui is being nice enough to let me "guest" blog here every now and again! For that I thank her!
I suppose I should reintroduce myself. I'm Lincoln Kennedy, a friend and coworker of Lui's. I started out with the best of intentions of keeping up with this blog and apparently that fell to the way side (or would that be weigh side. Drum crash please.) Well here I am again...trying it for the second time. So here goes nothing!

I'm 5'3" and the last time I weighed myself I was 171 lbs...the heaviest I've ever been. I don't have a scale at my home and most of the time weigh myself on the scale at work. I'm trying to get back on track and get down to a good weight so I'll have more energy and be happier with myself. The passed few days I've been rather good...I rode my bike twice yesterday and I've walked this passed week. I need to set my mind to just eating when I'm hungry...I'm an emotional eater. I eat for EVERY emotion! Mostly when I'm bored...so I've been keeping that in mind and keeping busy when I'm alone at home. I painted and did some mixed media...I cleaned a bit and left the house (one of the bike rides!) So in that aspect I think I'm doing better...although it's still fresh and early..so we shall see! I'm bad at keeping track of the things I eat...I probably should do that but I try mentally to keep a handle on those things... I may try to go back to the gym (I am paying that membership fee, I might as well use it!) I figure I'll go right after work (busy time , but I'd have company, my sister!) or try to go later than normal (free range of all equipment...and no embarrassment when I fall on the treadmill! lol) I'll try and update every week here, my progress (and occasional lack there of!) Something has to change in my life...I'm not as happy as I use to be and I'm tired all the time! So let's get the ball rolling shall we! Week one starts now, April 5, 2010! Let's go!

Busy Bees make honey, not money

2010-02-25T07:30:00.000-08:00

I've been a little busy with portraits and paintings and such so I've not been posting much here. Sorry about that.

Time is up on the Kraft Challenge. How'd we do?

Well, if you want to count the 70 lbs I lost moving the scale from the bathroom to the bedroom then yeah, we did good. But when the scale was moved back to hardwood floor instead of carpet... there wasn't much change.

This past week I've been doing Weight Watchers out of two cookbooks. I've lost 5 lbs. (I'll update the scale thingie in a bit..)

I joked with Fisher the other night that the five pounds were probably lost due to a terrible case of indigestion over the first WW meal I made. It was labeled as a Southwestern Black Bean Salad in the book but the red onions and shallots that were in it hit my stomach the wrong way. We ended up tossing it because we were unable to eat it. Fisher and I each had a small helping, our guest barely touched his and the girls didn't even bother to try it. It was a complete failure at our dinner table. I served it with some soft tacos, however and those were a much bigger hit. Not much flavor to the tacos, but they, at least were edible.

Tonight I'm going to try out the Cucumber-Mustard dressing and Salmon on the girls. Fisher and I loved it, but the girls weren't with us then to try it out. It's Jenny Craig, not Weight Watchers, but I'd picked up some salmon when I went shopping and we still have capers in the fridge. If nothing else, at least we know the pasta will be a sure win with the kids.

On another note, Lincoln Kennedy will be joining us every other night for dinner and has promised to bring her Wii Fit along so we can work out a bit together. She's hoping on losing 15 lbs by the end of next month. I could lose that x3 but it's a start so let's give it a shot!

We are girls together

2010-02-09T09:40:00.000-08:00

When Monster Kid was itty bitty she used to say this a lot. Now with Fisher's new hours on third shift, when I get home from work, it's just us three girls. We get to be girls together again. No boys allowed. Well, almost not allowed.

I've been doing fairly well sticking to the recipes listed in the Kraft repitoire, but last night decided to do something a bit different. (I'm getting a little tired of noodles.) After having left out hamburger meat I decided to throw together a meatloaf. With a whiny 16 month old in one arm and an 8 year old calling me to come see what she found on-line, I whipped the ingredients together and poured it into an aluminum dish. Zapped some lima beans in the microwave and I gobbled up some artichoke hearts too. It was pretty tasty stuff! I let the girls have Chicken and Stars soup instead to ensure they'd finish their food instead of let it fall to the floor.

Tonight we're back to noodles though because I forgot to leave anything out to defrost and I doubt Fisher cares to check while he's home with both girls today due to a snow day. What kind of noodles? Easy. You know me. ^_~ I'm thinking macaroni and cheese with some meat like, hot dogs, canned chicken or maybe tuna. If i do either of the latter two I'll be adding peas and carrots to the mix. If I go with hot dogs, we'll be having baked beans.

No, it's not the healthiest of meals but hopefully it'll be fun for the kids. Beats the dreaded meatloaf anyway.

Pork w/Cranberry stuffing

2010-01-29T09:01:00.000-08:00

Monster Kid says, "Mommy this is delicious, and it smells good too," but it took her more than an hour to eat anything besides the peas and carrots.

What was it? Well, we thought it was delicious. Even Little Bit got into her food... literally (she's learning to feed herself). The recipe is listed on the Healthy Living page at KraftFoods but I'll share it here too, of course.

What You Need!

2 pork tenderloins (1-1/2 lb.)
1/4 cup KRAFT Sun-Dried Tomato Dressing
1 Tbsp. GREY POUPON Dijon Mustard
1 pkg. (6 oz.) STOVE TOP Stuffing Mix for Chicken
1/3 cup dried cranberries

Make It!

CUT each tenderloin crosswise into 6 slices; pound to 1/2-inch thickness. Cook in large nonstick skillet sprayed with cooking spray on medium-high heat 3 min. on each side or until browned on both sides.

MIX dressing and mustard; pour over meat. Cook on low heat 3 min. on each side or until meat is done and sauce is thickened. Meanwhile, prepare stuffing as directed on package, but reducing spread to 1 Tbsp. and adding cranberries to water along with stuffing mix.

SPOON stuffing onto serving plates. Add meat; top with sauce.
Kraft Kitchens Tips
Serving Suggestion
Serve with a crisp mixed green salad tossed with your favorite KRAFT Light Dressing.

Eating well is not easy for the kids, but Fisher and I are really enjoying the flavors of these dishes. Which ones have you tried?
Picture taken by Fisher with cell phone camera. =)

Update: Week 1

2010-01-26T06:58:00.000-08:00

Whoa! I just glanced out the window and noticed it's snowing again. This powdery white stuff covered the ground this morning too but it was all dry and dust-like, blowing in the wind as we drove to work this morning. I hope it doesn't add up to much.

Any how, I promised an update and here it is: Thanksgiving and Christmas did me in and by the end of the holidays I'd gained back 8 lbs. Last Tuesday I weighed in at 246 and this past Sunday I weighed in at 240 lbs.

Does that mean the Healthy Living Bags are working?

Heck if I know, but I'm not stopping there.

We've made the Double Cheese and Veggie Mac, the Best Ever Cheese-Burgers, the Creamy Chicken Spaghetti (pictured: posted at KraftFoods.com) and had the pizza on Friday. Shopping day ran a bit late so we went with pot pies as they are cheap and quick to zap in the microwave. (All hail the microwave! Ever notice that something that takes an hour to cook in the oven takes about 5 minutes in the microwave? Scary good!) Maybe if my camera decides to work properly I'll start uploading pictures too. =)

So, we've been following the recipes, and losing some weight, and enjoying the zesty flavors of Italian dressing and barbecue sauce in our food. What's next? Assuming homework isn't overwhelming tonight, I'm going to get Monster Kid in the kitchen with me to make one of the recipes. (Sometimes she wants to help and other times she's easily bored and would rather play the Wii. I believe Fisher grounded her from it for two days last night for not eating her dinner so we'll have time to get spiced and floured in the kitchen together tonight.)

On a side note, I've mentioned that Kraft has Healthy Living on a budget, but have I pointed out lately that Betty Crocker has Budget Meals too? You could eat pie all week, or soup, or casseroles, or even skillet dinners. Mix it up! Yeah, you know it! If it's easy, I'm all over it. I'll be doing it Betty Crocker style once we finish up the Kraft Bags. =)

I can hear them already: Wait, did you just say we're eating pie for dinner?

Heck yeah! (Why not, right?)

It's What's for Dinner... for the next three weeks

2010-01-19T11:00:00.000-08:00

Perhaps I mentioned how much I love KraftFoods some time ago. I even have a link to their site on my sidebar. *points to the right side of the page* If I haven't said it enough, I'll say it again. KraftFoods rocks!

Why? you might ask.

Because not only do they offer budget-wise meal planning for 5 days at a time, but they also do it with healthy living in mind.

That's right! Healthy Living bags are up on the Kraft site. All you need is a printer and internet and viola! you have a list of recipes and ingredients laid out for you. I printed all three of the posted lists for the next few weeks worth of dinners. A few of the included recipes we've tried and loved at my house already. My noodle loving kids loved the spaghetti with zesty bolognese recipe and their easy slow cooker beef stew was a hit with Fisher and Monster Kid. (Have I mentioned that Little Bit isn't fond of meat? Especially ground meat? She liked venison and last night's chicken minus the crust.)

If you are on a budget and are trying to live a bit healthier, I'd recommend trying out these Bag Dinners from Kraft.

I'll post pictures and taste results for the recipes included in the bags if you are not sure you are ready to try this. =) And as a bonus I'll post my start weight and end weight for each week as well.

Parmesan Chicken

2010-01-19T08:01:00.000-08:00

An old friend of mine tells me that he has a few recipes that he knows by heart that he believes are real winners. I prodded and poked him until he offered one up. I cooked it up last night and it was delicious! Probably not weight loss food, but I thought I'd share his wisdom with you.

Daniel's Parmesan Chicken
Serves 4

* Two boneless chicken breasts 2 cups Italian bread crumbs
* 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese
* 1 TBSP Paprika
* 1 TBSP Salt
* Parsley Flakes
* One egg
* Olive oil
* Pasta sauce and Pasta

Put pasta sauce in a pot and heat it.

Bring pasta water to a boil, add some salt.

Put enough oil into 1 12" skillet to make the oil 1/4" deep. Heat so
that the oil is hot but NOT smoking.

Break egg into a bowl, whisk it.

Put the dry ingredients into a another bowl, mix them together.

Take a chicken breast, cut it in half to make two pieces of chicken as
close to squares as you can. They won't be squares, put they won't be
strips either.

Put a piece of chicken on a cutting board, put a piece of saran wrap
on top of it. Take a meat mallet and gently smash the chicken mostly flat. You can use a frying pan if you don't have a meat mallet, but buy a meat
mallet soon.

Put the chicken in the egg, soak it, then dredge the chicken in the
dry ingredients.

If you're making spaghetti, it takes 9 minutes to cook. Put the
spaghetti in the boiling water, then wait three minutes before
proceeding.

Take the four pieces of chicken and put them in the oil.

Check the bottom of the chicken, ensure they brown and do not blacken,
usually about 3 minutes.

Turn the chicken, cook another 3 minutes.

Prepare a plate with paper towels, take the chicken out of the oil and
put on the paper towels to drain the excess oil.

Take pasta out of the water, put some in a bowl, put a piece of
chicken on the pasta, add sauce, add some parsley flakes.

At the house of Lui, we used Rotini noodles, homemade pasta sauce, 1 cup of bread crumbs vs 2 cups, and accidentally added about a teaspoon of garlic salt to the breading. (I was reaching for the parsley flakes and grabbed the wrong container. Oops!) Also, as a side note, be sure to keep the fire down to medium-low so as not to blacken the chicken. Even if it does blacken, it's still delicious, but I wouldn't count on the kids eating it.

If you would like to make this a recipe that's a bit lighter, you can bake the chicken instead of frying it in oil. Preheat the oven for 450 degrees, place chicken on baking sheet leaving room in between each piece to ensure cooking through properly and cook for 15 minutes or until chicken is done. This will have the chicken more brown on the under side than the top, so if you prefer, you can flip the pieces half way through the cooking time so that they'll brown more evenly.

Enjoy!

Some Truth

2010-01-14T10:26:00.000-08:00

No, I'm not going to play truth or dare with you but in order to tell a story, I'll have to admit something terrible. I started smoking again back in ... I think it was March of 2009. I know it's a terrible, stinky, expensive habit, and I'm not going to try to explain why I picked it up again, but there you go. I smoke.

Now the story:

Last night, not feeling in the mood to cook because I'd rather be working on portraits, I threw some Chicken Teriyaki bowls in the microwave for dinner. Since Little Bit wasn't too fond of the peppers and the taste from the teriyaki I tossed a few hot dogs in the microwave too while Fisher ran to the store to find something else, just in case. Monster Kid made a claim the night before that we should have named her Kai-lan because she loves Chinese food so I didn't see her having any trouble eating this dinner. Well, since LB wasn't going to eat the bowl of rice stuffs I decided to eat half of it and leave the other half for Fisher.

While LB was sucking down a small bottle of milk in her playpen and MK was still at the table picking at her food, I stepped out to have a cigarette. Our front door has a huge glass panel on it and the screen door is also glass and screen so when the blinds are drawn I can see into the house through to the back door, if standing at the right angle. From my perch on the porch I could see the playpen if LB got fussy and the kitchen table where MK sat.

I watched as LB nestled into her blankets and curled up with her bottle for a nap and I could see MK move from one side of the table, from which I could see her, across to another seat, to which I could not see her. She took her bowl of food with her, so I felt she must be up to something. As I watched the bowl I had left for Fisher was pulled out of view and replaced moments later with more food in it and a fork. Oops, she forgot the fork! She reached over and quickly snagged it back out of view. I was in awe at her attempted cleverness and wondered if she'd take her bowl back to the other side of the table as well. After a few short moments she got up from the table and headed for the Wii, as though she'd finished her dinner and was now allowed to play again.

I snickered to myself as I watched from the porch and headed back in after she'd gotten settled. I checked the bowls on the table to make sure I'd seen correctly what had just taken place and went about doing dishes. (No, I didn't confront her.) Fisher returned from his trip to the store and I told him where his dinner was, what Little Bit had eaten instead of, and that MK was going to be half an hour early for thinking she was being sneaky and claiming she had finished her dinner. She heard me and jumped up to come take back the food she'd dumped into his bowl, but it was too late. Fisher had laid claim to the overflowing bowl of Chicken Teriyaki and Monster Kid was destined to go to bed at the dreaded hour of 7:30 PM.

I know, I'm such a horrible mother. *giggle*

Tonight will be steaks and baked potatoes with green beans. Hopefully there will be no more sneakiness or complaints... at least for the one night. (And if I'm lucky, I'll still have time to get back to my portraits.)

Bad Ideas

2010-01-12T11:35:00.000-08:00

I'll be the first to admit that when it comes to ideas on how to lose weight, Americans are all about the fast and easy. The less work we have to do to obtain our goals the better. The Vegan thing will not work out for my family because they all love their meats too much. Monster Kid is the pickiest of all and refuses to touch it, especially if she doesn't know what it is.

For example last night: "What's this black stuff?"

"Um, I suppose you don't have to eat that, but it's energy food, and with the way it's cooked you can't even taste it's flavor anymore." I tried to encourage her to try it without really telling her what it was. (She doesn't like mushrooms.)

So, as you can see, we had mushrooms in something last night. Fisher and I loved it. Little Bit tried it but spit it back out (as well as she can spit at the moment) and Monster Kid picked at it and whined for an hour and a half.

What did we have?

Yellow Squash and Zucchini Stir-fry with Baked Zesty Chicken

1 med yellow squash, sliced length-wise (and halved)
1 med zucchini squash, sliced length-wise (and halved)
1/2 med onion (I used white), sliced
3 portobello mushrooms, sliced
1 can of diced tomatoes, Italian style (don't recall the brand)
2 tablespoons oil (I used Canola because it was on hand)

Heat the oil in a skillet on medium heat, add squash and onion. When squash starts to become "see-through" add the mushrooms and cook through. Add tomatoes at the end in order to keep them from becoming mush and to only just heat them. The Italian style diced tomatoes were seasoned enough in can that there was no need to add salt or anything else.

1 package of chicken breast strips
1 tablespoon of Dijon mustard
1/2 cup of Italian dressing (I used light)

Mix ingredients together and refrigerate for one hour.

Italian seasoned bread crumbs (because it's on hand, not because I was in an Italian mood)

Pour bread crumbs into a bowl and add chicken one piece at a time, turning to coat all sides. Place in a 13x9 baking pan lined with aluminum foil. Heat the oven for 400 degrees and cook the chicken for 20 minutes or until well done. (I believe chicken is supposed to be considered done at 170 degrees.)

Besides the turkey meal on Jan 2 and the crockery pot stew on the 1st, this is probably the best recipe of the year so far. Shame MK didn't like it. I suppose she won't be interested in the bread I plan on making with my left over squash either... hehe!

Still here

2009-12-30T10:36:00.000-08:00

... and still trying to get beyond 240 lbs. My holidays were uneventful but yet still filled with the traditional American feast. Ham, cookies, yams, black olives, vanilla bean ice cream, etc. I gained 4 lbs back so I'm riding the scale at 244 again. *sigh*

I'm not depressed about it though, don't get me wrong. It's just kind of annoying that I'm not able to move far beyond where I've gotten without having to try harder. It was basically a piece of... yeah, let's not go there... but it was pretty easy to lose the first 20 lbs. All I really did was try to eat more vegetables, drink more water, and watch my portions. Easy enough, right?

Now, for the new year, looks like I'm going to have to follow through and start exercising more. I'll walk on my treadmill in the cob-webbed basement if I have to (cause gods know no one wants to see this bouncing down the street - lol). I borrowed a racquet from my dad to try out the racquetball at the local gym, but I haven't bothered to fill out the form for it yet. I don't want to until I know I'm ready. (No point in starting it knowing I won't finish.)

I need more energy. (As if that wasn't already a given.) I need to find out how to get more energy.

My mother told me that she tried a Vegan diet for about a month and had energy to spare. I could try that. My family won't be on board with it, but I can definitely handle going Vegan. It would be easier than going raw. So, how do you start a Vegan diet anyway? Let's see... Let me Google That.

This one looks promising. I'm already a member on the 3fatchicks forums too so that's a plus.

From a follow-up: What Does a Vegan Diet Entail?

A vegan diet is one that contains no animal products. This means eating no:

* milk
* eggs
* butter
* fish
* meat products

Generally, when undertaking a vegan diet for weight loss purposes, most plans allow you to eat the following in abundance:

* vegetables
* whole grains
* beans and legumes

Foods that can be eaten in moderation are:

* fruit
* refined sugar
* salt
* nuts
* soybeans
* egg-free pasta

Other foods such as flour, refined soy products, oils and avocados should be avoided.

Well, it's a start. I'm sure I can find plenty of recipes to use that don't require flour. O_o Sure, I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

Want to do it with me?

Hugs

2009-12-16T10:42:00.000-08:00

My oldest went to spend time with her dad this past weekend. Before she started to get ready for his arrival I wanted to get in a hug before I headed to my "studio" to work. I gave her a squeeze and told her to be good and to make sure to brush her teeth, and she stopped me short by exclaiming that she could get her arms around me.

"Mom! I can get my arms all the way around you!"

I didn't know you couldn't before sweetie. When were you trying?

Fisher broke in with, "she tries every time she hugs you".

I didn't know whether or not to be pleased that she can now get a real hug, or appalled and depressed that she couldn't before. (Leave it to a child to tell you how it is.)

After she left I dared to step upon the scale again only to discover that I managed to lose another couple of pounds. I did a dance with the scale and hopped on and off to make sure I wasn't seeing things. The final result: 238 lbs. So, I've slid past 240 and hope to continue.

It has been rough with little money, but we seem to be making it. The girls love noodles in a cup and are more than happy to have it every night, but I ache for something more substantial... and green! I want a salad. I want vegetables and fruits overflowing from my fridge and pantry like the world is fixing to end. I want to saute onions and mushrooms to go with Boca burgers. I want to finally make that zucchini/carrot cake from ages ago with fresh made icing that the girls can lick from the bowl. I want to mince veggies for a beef stew that simmers all day long in a crockery pot to fill the house with the smell of yummy goodness when we return home from a long day at work/school.

I want to have my little girl hug me and know that she'll always be able to get her arms around me.

Tip of the Day

2009-12-10T10:58:00.000-08:00

Colon Protection
Adding cauliflower florets to your weekly diet may give you an extra measure of colon protection. Research has shown that a natural compound found in cauliflower may inhibit the propagation of cancer cells in the colon. Be sure to skip the cheese sauce with the cauliflower, because it is loaded with saturated fats. Instead, steam the cauliflower and spice it up with olive oil and lemon or use low-fat yogurt for dipping raw cauliflower.
(From WisdomTips.com)
(Image from Gifts Galore Online)

Speaking of tip... I finally decided to step on the scale again. I didn't even close my eyes, though I might have held my breath. The scale read (drumroll please) 240 lbs! Well, barely, but it didn't swing to 241 so I'm taking it!

Since my kids don't read my blogs I'll let you in on a little holiday secret. We bought our oldest a Wii from Craigslist along with a ton of games for this year's Yule/Christmas. Knowing that we have the system stashed in the basement Fisher has been talking about getting a Wii Fit system, or maybe even a Wii Sports package. Yes, they cost a lot, and we can't afford it right now, but the idea alone makes me hope for more commissions so that I can run out and buy one before the holidays get here. It could be another option for me to work out at home! The only problem is that the rest of the family has to agree to use it too or else it's a waste. Fisher would rather be getting Rock Band instead so I may not win this battle.

Queen of Nuffink suggests going to the mall for walking. It's not a bad idea, but the malls near here are still on a Black Friday kind of kick so they are still rather crowded. I might try and see what they are like early in the mornings this weekend though because people couldn't possibly stand in front of the stores, waiting for them to open at 7 AM... could they?

There were snow flurries yesterday, and blustery enough to start taking down trees and wires. I've been trying to stay indoors as much as possible and it's not too hard to do with the few commissions I've been working on, but I still want to move. To get out and do something! Well, there are a couple of bands playing downtown we are going to see play tomorrow night and Saturday night is our annual Holiday Party hosted by work. =) We've both been stressed about money lately and can use a break. A commission shall be paying for the sitter for the two nights we'll be out so hopefully we can take advantage of our time and get some dancing in. Anyone know how to do the Electric Slide?

A new look

2009-12-08T06:55:00.000-08:00

Healthy way
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like,

and do what you'd rather not. - MARK TWAIN -

Well, if I can get a new look I figured the blog could get a touch up too. Thanks to Adriana Vargas for the character portrait! I was so excited to see her work that I checked my email constantly after her first contact with me. I'm not impatient... just eager to see what she'd come up with. I love her work! So,what do you think of the new header? I got a bit lazy and did it rather quick last night as I was supposed to be working on a portrait that's due in a couple of days. Any tips on changes are welcome. =)

Taking the quote from Twain, and acknowledging that Fisher has read the last post, seems as though I'll be working out soon. He asked me if I wanted a corner in the basement to work out. I told him I don't need a corner really, so much as I'd just like to be able to get to those two machines down there. 20 minutes a day on the bike, or 30 minutes briskly walking on the treadmill oughta be a good start. When I work it up to more I'll turn in the racquetball pass and see if I can't get more active.

When I was pregnant I'd read that when you are feeling tired, instead of laying down, go for a walk. I think I should keep that in mind, though I'm not pregnant now, I'm still tired an awful lot.

It's a start.

The New Lui

2009-12-05T20:57:00.000-08:00

I've gotten my haircut, and for this picture, I put on make-up. (So try not to laugh.)

My mother asked me recently how my weight loss has been going and well, to be honest, it hasn't been going all too well. I had a doctor's appointment last week and still seem to be stuck at 241 pounds. It's still not bad considering where I started from but this is my first plateau.

Money's been tight so I've not been able to cook wonderful meals as I had been trying to do and we've been stuck with dinners more along the lines of noodles in a cup, and even Hamburger Helper. (Not that there's anything wrong with that... but it's not helped my waistline in the past.)

So, what are you going to do?

Well, the first thing that comes to mind is getting active. I'm fat, I'm constantly tired, and both jobs require me to sit on my butt a lot. (Freelance artwork and manufacturing assistant.)

What's your first step?

I got my hands on a 3 week pass to a local gym for racquetball. The start date was left blank for me to choose when I'm ready to give this a try. Fisher told me he once liked racquetball and that he'd even play with me. We'd have to get a sitter for our playtime, but it could be worth it (fingers crossed). I've also pulled one of my bikes from the basement so that I could air up the tires and give that a whirl, but the weather has been wet and chilly here with talk of snow. I may have to drag that bike thingie out and use it instead like I mentioned a while back. There is also a manual treadmill machine buried in the basement that could be used as well. So, yeah, there are options. What I need is motivation!

I need a cheerleader or two to remind me that I can do this and push me to actually do so! I need time and space to do it and not worry about what the kids are getting into, whether or not dinner will get cooked, or if I have time to put off my commissions for a 20 minute workout. I want to say "Yes I can!" but my tired old body tells me "Yeah, right!"

So, what can I do? I can tell my family that I have to do this and make the time, forcing myself to build a routine, and even if I have to I'll make it a New Year's Resolution! (As if the last year's resolution went so well.)

With a new year around the corner, here's hoping for a new Lui!

Hair cut

2009-11-24T09:04:00.000-08:00

Do you ever think about, how much poundage you may cut off if you chopped your hair off? I actually weighed myself before and after my haircut and managed to have lost a pound! The doctor's office scale read the same yesterday. I'm standing at 241 lbs still. (Yes, the picture is a recent shot of me with my new do.)

Last night I was in the basement looking for a vacuum piece for my mother when I came across the exercise bike that I mentioned a while back. It's a bit buried, but I hope to dig it out this weekend and find a place to put it down there that I'll be able to use it. I thought about going down there and doing so this past weekend but I spent most of the weekend reading and crocheting. It was a nice break, but my fingers hurt a bit by the time the crocheting was done from all the stitching I had to do with the tapestry needle. (Yeah, I know that's what thimbles are made for but I didn't have one handy so I suffered through it.) Anyway, the weather is getting cooler, sometimes wetter, and definitely windier out so riding a bike or walking outdoors isn't the best idea at the moment. Riding inside, that's an option that can hopefully help lose some more gut, butt and bust.

A few weekends ago we asked Ghost Girl to watch the girls for us while Fisher and I rearranged the living room. She's coming over tomorrow to watch them for us while we are at work, so I'm hoping I can extend her visit a bit and get Fisher to help me in the basement so I can have my own corner to work out in.

The 19 lbs lost is a great start but I seem to have already plateaued and I want/need bigger results.

In the meantime, the holidays are upon us and that means big family feasts for most. Monster Kid will be spending the upcoming holiday with her father and his wife, so we did a get together last weekend with friends. We did not bring home left overs but we did stock up on soup, stew meat, and canned veggies along with some fresh fruits to get us through the next couple of weeks.

I'm looking forward to busting out the crockery pots for a roast and potatoes along with some apple crisp. Yeah, apple crisp in a crockery pot. Here's the recipe:

Ingredients:

* 6 medium cooking apples, peeled, cored, sliced
* 1 1/2 cups flour
* 1 cup packed brown sugar
* 1 tablespoon cinnamon
* 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
* 1/4 teaspoon ginger
* 3/4 cup butter or margarine, softened
* .
* Topping Suggestions:
* (fat free) Vanilla ice cream
* (fat free) Whipped cream or whipped topping

Preparation:
Grease crockery pot, arrange slices in bottom. In a mixing bowl, combine flour, sugar, spices and butter. Cover the apples with this mixture. Tamp down lightly. Cook on HIGH for 3 to 4 hours, until apples are tender.

Serve with any or all of the suggested toppings.

I've found the same recipe on a number of cooking websites so I'm not sure where it originated from but I hope to try this out as an alternative to pie. Seems like less work to me and can you imagine the smell in the house? Mmmm... I can.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Oh! Fisher ordered internet for the house again! We should be up and running again this Saturday so I'll be able to keep up with the blog easier then. Lucky you. ^_~

Teaching and learning

2009-11-19T09:14:00.000-08:00

I feel compelled to learn something new every day. Yesterday I learned how to cook venison. (I'm thankful I have internet access at work so that I could learn this.) I browned the venison in a skillet with butter, then covered it with water and let cook through. As it was getting near done, I started to drain the water from it so it could sear a little. I added steak seasoning and chopped onion to the water to give it some extra flavor. It was moist, delicious and almost like a roast in done-ness.

A few days ago the continuation of teaching Monster Kid how to crochet resumed. I've always wanted to teach, but MK is probably the worst student I've ever had and makes me rethink teaching as a full time job. She doesn't like to listen, follow directions, or sit still long enough to comprehend the lesson. So, Ghost Girl stepped in and decided she wanted to learn to crochet as well. I thought having GG there would help MK to concentrate more about the lesson I was trying to give but instead she became a critic. She was telling Ghost Girl how to crochet, what she feels she's learned already, and on and on and on... Monster Kid turned the lesson into a battle for my attention. The only way to get her to stop and listen, even for a moment was to call her Mouth and then state my request to calm down, slow down, etc. (Mouth like from the Goonies... she talks constantly and she's so full of it sometimes =) but she's a very smart girl.)

After Ghost Girl had gone home and Monster Kid had gone to bed, I tried to analyze the events of the night and besides each of the girls wanting my attention, and one of them not wishing to share it, I noticed that MK is more about the results than the process and GG is all about the process to get to the end result. I'm not sure how to work with MK on this lesson, but wish to move on to something else, or perhaps back to something else, like baking. I tried to get her to cook up her pumpkin with me, but she's changed her mind about using it for bread and would rather it shrivel up on the front porch instead. *shrugs*

Fisher suggests keeping some of Monster Kid's medicine at the house for the weekends so that we can keep her calm and more focused. (We've been seeing her doctor about whether or not she's ADD or even ADHD.)

Do you have an alternative suggestion on how to teach MK?
(picture from Ehow.com)

How to Teach Your Child to Crochet | eHow.com

2009-11-19T09:11:00.000-08:00

How to Teach Your Child to Crochet | eHow.com

It's not as though I haven't tried most of these tactics - I just can't seem to get through to her that she needs to work one step at a time. This was a memory in the process for me, and took me back to when I learned, at the age of 7, how to crochet.

Updates!

2009-11-09T08:06:00.000-08:00

I realize it's been a while since I've been able to post and wanted to come in with a few updates.

Monster Kid's child support had been sent to a separate account that we didn't have access to as of June, back when we moved, and has accumulated to more than $1,000. Because of this amount and her need for clothes that fit, not to mention, a bit more stylish, we gained access and went shopping. My first shopping trip I had planned to go alone and pick up one or two outfits for her, but being as she was still awake when I planned to leave, I got her dressed and took her with me. Turned out this was a good idea as she's lost enough weight to go down a few sizes in pants. At 8 years old my big girl was becoming a big girl and would only wear stretchy pants with elastic waist bands sized at 14/16. Now she's able to wear jeans sized at 10/12. She's thrilled to have lost weight and I'm happy for her to have done so as well.

Fisher claims to have lost 20 lbs but rather than giving my cooking credit claims it's his new job as it's much more hands on and strenuous than his last position in the company. He's told me that he now pushes and pulls around 700 lbs every few hours and this has built up tone in his arms and helped him lose some belly fat.

Little Bit turned one on the 28th and is finally starting to fit into size 12 months. We bought her first pair of shoes over the weekend and she took her first steps on her own. Fisher said she took her first steps while MK and I were shopping with a neighbor girl, we'll call Ghost Girl, as she likes that book and tends to wear the clothing a lot. He tells me that my face said I didn't believe him but the next day she did it again, and took about 3 or 4 steps while we all watched.

My weight still fluxuates, and Aunt Flo is currently in town so I don't like to count the weight as too terribly accurate right now. I checked a few days ago and the scale read 242 lbs. I'll check again this weekend after Auntie leaves.

Our cooking has slipped a bit as the money has not been easy to come by, and we've been eating a lot more pasta lately. I hope to be able to fix this soon and go grocery shopping for healthier sides and main dishes to be made. The girls don't seem to mind the noodles too much but I know it's all turning into sugar and with that and the bits of candy we had around Halloween, I know I'm not doing a good job at this weight loss thing. I plan on trying harder and start walking after dinner again, like we once did, in hopes to keep us all healthy, or get us more healthy.

On another note, as a weight loss blog, I don't talk too much about my other health problems, even though it is a personal blog. I have a doctor appointment set up tomorrow. Without going into detail I'll say that my lower back has been hurting a lot lately, sex hurts no matter what position we try, and after that fall back in June, my knee is still bothering me. The reason for the doctor appointment if for my annual pap smear, because I called to set up an appointment for a mammogram. I'm 33 years old and they don't normally allow for mammograms unless you're 35, so I need a doctor's note. My doctor recommended three years ago that I start getting them early to keep an eye on the fibrous cyst in my left breast. I also have polycystic ovaries and worry that either one may become cancerous. I try not to be a hypochondriac but with cancer in my family, I can't help but wonder...

Culinary genius

2009-10-29T06:10:00.000-07:00

The apple bread didn't turn out too bad. It falls apart when cut into but that's most likely my fault at having diced the apples rather than shredding them up a bit. I didn't use the nuts, but did add the optional raisins. It's moist and delicious. I also went with the side notes of no sifting and how much vanilla to use instead of the recipe itself which turned out just fine. Monster Kid gobbled it up and asked for more. Little Bit was too busy with her new toy to want to try any, but we all took some for breakfast this morning.

The meal didn't turn out too bad either. We had planned on noodles with traditional spaghetti sauce and meatballs with a side of mashed sweet potatoes (the boxed variety). Fisher and I checked a few places for the box of potatoes on our way home and didn't have any luck. When we got home I noticed my cooking apples had been badly bruised so I grabbed Little Bit and headed to the store figuring I could get the boxed potatoes while there.

Nope. They had all kinds of mashed potatoes but none of the sweet potato variety.

Circling back, we picked up some wrapped yams to microwave and mash. I figured it would be just as good, if not better due to nutrients. I explained to Fisher how to mash them and what to add to sweeten them a bit. "Just enough milk to make them moist but not runny and some brown sugar to taste." When a neighbor girl and her friend returned to try some of the bread, he had them try his mashed yams. Bragged on how he made them from scratch and what he added to make them just so.

I may have actually rolled my eyes at his need to show off, but he did do all the work and it did turn out pretty good so I kept my mouth shut. Let him toot his horn a bit if he wishes.

Little Bit enjoyed her noodles and mashed yams along with her new push toy (to help her walk more) so the evening turned out wonderfully.

Turning One!

2009-10-27T09:19:00.000-07:00

Little Bit turns 1 tomorrow. A while back I offered her some cake, perhaps on my birthday, and while she liked the icing, she wasn't real fond of the cake itself. I don't want her to gobble up a bunch of icing and end up with a belly-ache though so I searched the web for a healthy alternative to Baby's First Cake.

I found a few sites that suggested using applesauce in the cake mix to make it healthier and more moist, but I don't see that as being the problem. Apples aren't a bad idea though...

So, I have a 20 lb (estimate) bag of flour I picked up from Sam's Club a while back that is begging to be broken into. I also have a small bag of self rising flour but no recipes to use with it. Between these two kinds of flour and the ingredients I already have at home, I found a few bread recipes that can keep the family happy and even one that might just work out for LB's birthday celebration.

After browsing for different alternatives to baby cakes I found a few nice recipes at Wholesome Baby Foods. The recipe I printed to take home is:

Apple Bread - double the recipe for a nice Bundt birthday cake.

1/2 cup canola oil
1 cup of sugar
1tsp vanilla (we use about 3 tsp.)
1 large egg
2 cups sifted flour (we never sift flour.)
1/2 tsp cinnamon (we use about 2 tsp.)
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp baking powder
2 tblsp. milk
1/2 cup raisins (optional - add some dates.)
2 large apples, finely chopped
(after years making this, i find that using an apple slicer (the round kind with the slots) and then cutting the slices in half and then chopping them works best. If your apples are not of some sort of uniform size, the bread can get a bit too moist in some places and not enough in others)
1/2 cup walnuts, - optional - chopped finely or coarsely depending on how you prefer them

Combine oil, sugar and vanilla and cream until light and fluffy. Add eggs and beat well. Sift together flour, cinnamon, salt and baking powder.
Add milk, raisins, apples and nuts and dry ingredients to the creamed sugar/oil/vanilla. Stir only until flour is well dampened

Bake at 375 degrees F in a well greased (and floured best) 9x5x4 loaf pan (the "regular size" Bake time 50-60 minutes and when you see top begin to crackle
Cool and remove from pan
***This bread/cake is very dense so the dough may seem not quite right to you as you are mixing it up. It will appear a bit thick and chunky.***

You can make a nice powdered sugar glaze and pour on top when bread is almost cooled. We skip this mostly esp. as our boys love this bread without it.
This makes a YUMMY french toast when baked as bread - slice thick enough so that the bread won't crumble and gently dip in an egg batter. Fry in a pan and top with real maple syrup or spread with whipped cream cheese mixed with blueberry puree.

I hope this plan works and the bread/cake goes over well. I still need to get to shopping for gifts. O_O
*rushes out the door*

Math, directions and recipes

2009-10-21T13:27:00.000-07:00

Monster Kid has been avoiding homework lately. She'd rather do just about anything but her homework. She asked me to teach her to crochet yesterday and actually tried to do so rather than her earlier questions on crocheting then running off to play with neighbors.

Fisher wants to put up the dry erase board to give her a chore chart. I think using something else, getting her involved even, would grab her attention better and show her why she needs to do these things.

Don't you remember being in school and wondering why you have to learn this stuff? I do.

Last night she brought home Monday's homework with big X's all over it and a stamp for a parent's signature. Now, Fisher helped her do this schoolwork so we were both a bit lost on how she got anything wrong. Turns out they both skimmed the directions rather than reading and following them. There were two parts to the directions: Write a number sentence. blah blah blah then, Write your answer in a complete sentence.

Which part did they forget? The latter half, of course.

Directions. Yeah, I can show her that in a recipe. For example, I learned that if you don't read the directions to Apple Crisp thoroughly you can end up with a pie like crust instead of a yummy crumble topping.

More mathematics. If you can't find the Tablespoon and an ingredient calls for 2 tbs what do you do? You grab another measuring spoon and add enough of them together to equal what's called for in the recipe. 3 tsp = 1 tbs so 9 tsp = 3 tbs, right? Let's count it out together.

Funny how hands on stuff is always easier and more fun than the book stuff.

Wish us luck with tonight's homework!

Holiday fun

2009-10-20T06:34:00.000-07:00

Halloween is right around the corner and there are plenty of tasty treats around for us to indulge in. Most of those treats aren't very healthy for us though.

At Taste of Home there are plenty of cute holiday treats for kiddos and folks with sweet teeth, but along with these treats is a cheese dip that is sure to be the hit of the party.

Cheesenstein published in Taste of Home October/November 2008, p28

* 12 Servings
* Prep: 45 min. + chilling

Ingredients

* 2 packages (8 ounces each) cream cheese, softened
* 1/4 cup mayonnaise
* 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
* 1 teaspoon hot pepper sauce
* 2 cups (8 ounces) shredded cheddar cheese
* 6 bacon strips, cooked and crumbled
* 3 green onions, thinly sliced
* 2 cartons (4 ounces each) whipped cream cheese
* Moss-green paste food coloring
* 1 can (4-1/4 ounces) chopped ripe olives, drained
* 2 pepperoncinis
* 3 colossal ripe olives
* 2 slices peeled parsnip
* Black decorating gel
* 1 pretzel rod
* 1 small cucumber
* Assorted fresh vegetables

Directions

* In a large bowl, beat the cream cheese, mayonnaise, Worcestershire sauce and pepper sauce until smooth. Stir in the cheddar cheese, bacon and onions. Shape into a 5-in. x 4-in. x 3-in. rectangle; wrap in plastic wrap. Refrigerate until chilled.
* Unwrap rectangle; place on a serving platter with a 3-in. side on top. Tint whipped cream cheese green; spread over top and sides of rectangle.
* Add chopped ripe olives for hair and pepperoncinis for ears. Cut one colossal olive in half; add parsnip slices and olive halves for eyes. With black decorating gel, pipe the brow, mouth and stitches.
* Break pretzel rod in half; add a colossal olive to each end. Press into sides of head for bolts. Cut a small piece from end of cucumber for a nose (save remaining cucumber for another use). Serve with vegetables. Yield: 3 cups.

Nutrition Facts: 1/4 cup (calculated without vegetables) equals 329 calories, 31 g fat (17 g saturated fat), 89 mg cholesterol, 545 mg sodium, 4 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 9 g protein.

Cheddar Tip

Select sharp cheddar when using packaged shredded cheese from recipes that you’d like to have a bolder flavor. If you will be shredding cheese at home from bulk cheddar, you can choose from mild, medium, sharp and extra sharp.